Behind The Motivation
It has been a few months now of people calling me "inspirational" and "a motivation". I am yet to relate to those labels at all, but am very grateful that people view me as such. The TwitterGetsFitter movement allowed me the honour of helping people along their fitness journey, and let me be a small part of their lives. Most members of the group know me as upbeat, funny, cheerful, and always positive.
Ah, but the truth is a different story.
Every day, every single day, I battle my personal herd of demons to be the person that they need me to be. Depression has had me in its clutches for years now. Every few months, it loosens its grip just enough to give me hope. But even then, its claws dig firmly into my being, reminding me that I am at its mercy.
I record videos alone. This allows me to morph into the person I need to be, and only then do I turn the camera on. Because you mustn't see the crippling anxiety that you would notice in person. When I get tongue-tied meeting new people, or break into a cold sweat just thinking about being in a room with a group I don't know.
Any time I ask a question in an e-mail, but get no responses, I ache. "Do they not like me anymore?", I wonder. "Am I no longer relevant?"
But then you post your wall-sit times, and your post-workout selfies, and my heart soars.
You hear me say there's more to you than your body. The truth is, that chant is as much for me as it is for you. Years of battling body image issues has left me with dented armour.
You hear me tell you not to give up. Truth is, I have been on the verge of giving up multiple times. So many that I've lost count. And I know how dangerous that can be. That's why I won't let you do it.
TwitterGetsFitter isn't just some movement I started, or an attempt to get famous, or anything of that sort. TwitterGetsFitter has given me a reason to wake up in the morning, and a purpose to my day.
You call me inspirational. You say I'm a motivation. But my tribe -- they are my motivation.
They make me stronger.
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You can also find me on Twitter and Instagram.
Beautiful testimony. Due to some wrongly prescribed medication I went through the unfortunate experience with anxiety, and I can only say that I don't wish it upon my worst enemy.
I'm glad to see that we all have a way of dealing with it, of making it better. This is great. And don't let your body dictate so much who you are as a person.
Keep up the greak work. One day you won't feel that ache in your heart anymore.
Thank you so much, @persephonept. More power to you too, and I agree - I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy!
I'm trying every day to be stronger. It's a process and a journey, but I'm hoping to make my way through it.
Keep being raw and real and we'll never leave you. I am the exact same way when it comes to people not responding, or i just let my wander as to why i shouldn't contact someone because I see myself as a nuisance. These are legit personal issues, and i'm here to grow with you!
Thank you so much, @miranda.odell! I feel your pain, and yes, it mirrors my own. I'm so blessed to have you and others reach out to me from across the globe, and I know I'll be better thanks to all your support. I'm here for you too. Let's get stronger together. <3
What a beautiful post... which I stumbled upon completely accidentally as we published in the exact same moment and were "next to each other" on the "new" feed.
I relate rather deeply to your words here... once upon a time becoming a "accidental motivation" (of a different kind; mental health) for many, simply because I was more curious and put myself out there where others were too anxious to "be seen." Little did they know how FAR outside my comfort zone I had to step to be... to be... what they created in their realities that I was. But really wasn't.
And yet, we grow with it... and quietly "fill space" where we're expected. And find moments of meaning in those emails that say "my life has changed."
Bright blessings to you!
I met this beautiful woman in Bali and so glad she finally became active with her wonderful stories and cute, fun writing skills!
❤️ This lady since day 1
Thank you, @denmarkguy. I appreciate your support, as well as you sharing your own story. I'm trying every day to be the person they need me to be, and hoping that in the process, I don't stop being the person I need me to be. :)
Beautiful words @denmarkguy
Life is freaking painful sometimes but suffering is a choice. Make your choices to be happy. Good luck :-)
Thank you, @stefen :)
@bombaybellyrina
Good Post!
Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for the support, @qagiri :)
Rock on!
Thank you, @strangerarray!