Inevitably Trusting in Momentum
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17/02/2025
It was a week without great joy or deep sorrow. I simply did what was needed: writing (or archiving previously written pieces on my website), learning languages, and working. Even these tasks made midnight arrive quickly.
I wanted to stop all rational activities and lose myself in a novel, or perhaps escape somewhere pleasant and rest, even briefly, without thinking about anything. When exhaustion overwhelmed me, I would collapse onto my bed for a short nap, as if momentarily losing consciousness. After about an hour, I would get up and resume what I had been doing.
It’s still time to move forward. A control tower within me projected this message in bold letters on a screen behind my forehead, and any inclination to rest crumbled in an instant. Right now, my situation feels like an investment: the larger the seed capital, the greater the return. I have no choice but to keep moving forward.
Preparing for marriage and life abroad is no longer a distant future concern but an impending reality. I’ve been researching the best ways to handle existing bank accounts, insurance, national pension, and health insurance while verifying whether the information I find is actually reliable. Surprisingly, online search results are far from satisfactory.
The information available on the internet often contradicts what people actually living abroad experience. Reducing this ambiguity has become my new task. As expected, the to-do list keeps growing. Given the sheer number of things to keep track of, I’m relieved that I upgraded to a manual transmission driver’s license in advance. It was the right decision.
I must be growing, little by little, in ways too subtle for me to notice. Yet, I still feel trapped inside an invisible but thick bubble. As long as I live as a lifelong language learner, this feeling will always accompany me. Learning a new language is like unlocking an entirely unfamiliar world. Sometimes, I wonder how I ended up here. But one day, I believe I’ll find myself saying, This is why I came all this way.
When my thoughts and determination falter, the habits I have built propel my life forward. Relying on those habits, I press on, deep inside this tunnel, steadily making my way through.