Ha this is a typical position to be in when doing philosophy ... feeling your worldview turning around and a bit stuck. The ancient Greeks called it aporia. It's not comfortable, sometimes - but it's better than being oblivious to the problem, right? I'm so glad you're considering this stuff so openly and honestly!

Probably you won't be able to respond to this given the reply depth limit (I've lost count) but let me add a few more things that might console you about not having free will - without pretending it's the last word.

... my everyday experience of awareness leads me to believe that I do have free will; I believe that I weigh the evidence in any decisions that I make, believe that I am free to chose one way or another, and believe that the decisions evidently influence the unfolding of my life and the lives of others. I take accountability for these decisions, and believe that I should be held responsible for their impact on others, for better or worse.

I agree that you weigh evidence when you make decisions. I agree that your decisions influence the unfolding of your life and the lives of others. And I think you should be held responsible for the impact of these acts - at least, responsible the same way we hold sleepwalking Jane responsible, taking her knives and making her undergo treatment. All this can be true without your actions' being free (again, in the libertarian sense). You do choose things, based on your rich past, in basically the same way AlphaGo chooses its next move. And the things you choose affect what happens next (just as the move AlphaGo makes affects the next player's move).

So this may help some: it's easy to confuse causal determinism with what we often call fatalism - the idea that some future thing will happen no matter what comes before. So you might mistakenly reason to yourself that "well, either I'll make money on Steemit or I won't; since that's already determined, then it doesn't matter whether I actually post." I just recently learned this is called The Idle Argument, and maybe you can see why it doesn't work: if you are already causally determined to make money on Steemit, it's because you were already causally determined to post good stuff!