motivation assertiveness kindness
I settled into my favorite coffee shop, feeling a mix of excitement and anticipation. As I relaxed, I kept glancing at the counter, waiting for the barista to announce my friend’s double espresso macchiato.
A sense of guilt washed over me as I sipped my tea, enjoying the warmth but feeling uneasy about my friend's wait. After a few moments, he got up, his expression shifting from patience to determination. He walked confidently to the front and inquired about his drink.
Unfortunately, his order had been overlooked. When he returned with his small, familiar coffee cup, my guilt transformed into respect and admiration for his initiative.
As a woman, the concept of assertiveness has not always been something I appreciated or sought to nurture. Many might argue that assertiveness reflects confidence, but I often worried that my attempts to assert myself would be misinterpreted. I feared that others would label me as entitled or privileged.
My concerns were not without reason. Women often face what is known as 'assertiveness backlash.' This term describes the various ways society criticizes or punishes women for voicing their opinions or asserting themselves.
Research has shown that this backlash is real. For instance, a study involved showing videos of both male and female speakers, demonstrating different levels of assertiveness. The findings indicated that women who displayed dominant behaviors were rated less favorably than their male counterparts.
Over time, I have come to recognize the importance of clear and direct communication. Being proactive can lead to getting what you want, even something as simple as your coffee. Instead of viewing assertiveness as something negative, I learned to appreciate its value.
I have invested energy into developing my unique style of assertiveness. Here are some common misconceptions about assertiveness, along with a more informed perspective.
First, assertiveness is often mistakenly labeled as bossiness. Throughout childhood and adulthood, many strong women have been unfairly branded as bossy. This label limits the understanding of what assertiveness truly means. It involves expressing oneself clearly and openly, not just directing others. It requires being transparent in communication about our intentions and expectations.
Second, assertiveness equates to clarity. When someone communicates assertively, the message should come through loud and clear. Clear communication is a valuable skill. Understanding someone's needs is essential for building effective connections, whether in personal or professional settings.
Third, being assertive does not mean judging others. Assertiveness is about expressing our own thoughts and needs without being critical of someone else's perspective. By communicating clearly, we can avoid misunderstandings and the resentment that often follows when messages are unclear.
Fourth, assertiveness involves honesty. Some people may choose indirect communication to avoid being clear. This style of communication includes behaviors like disguised demands, which can involve subtle manipulations or insincerity.
Finally, assertiveness reflects kindness. It is an act of respect for ourselves and for those we interact with. By setting clear boundaries, we protect ourselves from burnout and show appreciation for one another’s time and feelings.
In essence, assertiveness is not about controlling others. Although we can make requests in an assertive manner, ultimately, it’s up to the other person to decide their level of involvement. Assertiveness creates an opportunity for open dialogue and mutual respect.