Personal Perspective : Death, Anxiety, and Finding Meaning
The day my spouse—who is also my best friend, my steady support, and my greatest love—turned 47 years old, I felt a tightening in my chest that brought a wave of fear over me.
To clarify my feelings, my fear of aging does not stem from concerns about becoming frail or weak, at least not right now. I am already familiar with the wear and tear that comes from a life full of adventures. I remember the sharp pain in my knees from skiing on rough mountains in Colorado during my 20s.
I can still feel the twinge in my ankle from a volleyball game gone wrong in my 30s. And the memory lingers of the horse that fell on me when I was in my 40s, leaving me with a lasting reminder in the form of a scar on my shoulder.
Each of these experiences has left its mark on me—both physical and mental—and I embrace them as part of my journey through life.
Today, I wear cool leather pants, my stylish reading glasses rest on my nose, and I proudly show off my tattoos. If this is what mid-forties looks like, I have little to complain about.
So why did I feel such a deep fear when I saw the number 47 this morning?
I can’t pinpoint the exact moment I stopped feeling invincible. That illusion of never-ending youth likely started fading when I became a parent.
The moment I held my children for the first time, I realized my life had a greater purpose; it mattered more than just my own desires. Suddenly, I had a reason to fight for a future, not just for myself but for them.
The fear of aging is closely tied to the fear of death—the final end of everything we know. When this fear arises, I understand why many seek comfort in beliefs about life after death. Coming face-to-face with the idea of our own mortality can be overwhelming and frightening.
Yet, among the countless people who deal with this fear, I find it particularly challenging. If you've ever felt anxiety, you know how it can be relentless. It can feel like a heavy weight that never lifts.
Getting free from it often requires some kind of support from others, particularly professionals who understand these struggles.
This fear I feel is not just mine; it is a part of being human. It reminds us that life is temporary. A simple truth is that we live, and then we die. This reality challenges us to discover meaning in the time we have between those two events.
Death is unpredictable. It might come for us today or later. It is the one certainty in life that cannot be avoided.
What we can do in the face of this reality is to cherish the things we love the most. We focus on our children, our pets, our partners, and friends. These relationships make our lives worthwhile.
Additionally, we can contemplate the kind of legacy we wish to create. For me, that legacy includes writing books that help others better understand themselves. I also take pride in raising my wonderful children.
What about you? What legacy would you like to leave behind? If you express yourself through writing, art, or any form of creativity, don’t wait to begin. Start today. It’s never too late to make an impact. Remember, your work doesn’t have to be perfect. It just needs to be genuine.
If anxiety feels overwhelming, especially during times like the holidays when these thoughts surface, reach out for help. A good therapist can provide support and guidance to navigate your feelings.
Finding meaning in life is often difficult when we confront the fact that all of us will eventually face death. We may not know the exact time or manner of our passing, but in the meantime, we can make peace with the reality of mortality.