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I'm more worried about running into steam, since I have frail human flesh that doesn't take well to boiling temperatures.

Then perhaps STEEM would suit you better. You could exchange that to Bitcoin which you can exchange to USD to buy yourself some moisturizer.

Ah! Yes!

And I really hope some exchange will let me sooner than later cut out the BTC middleman.

With the way things are going, I think it'll be quite some time before we get rid of the Bouncer That Checks

Well, at least it's easier to use the Little Teller Chips.

I once mined them, but I have since moved on to other wares.

Didja really? I hope you got to sell at their peak!

You'd be pleased to know that I did, in fact, irrevocably not sell them at their peak. I wanted to write a punchline, but I guess this time... I'm the punchline. Cue the sad violins!