Giving in to stress is a stupid habit

Lately I have had the utmost level of stress in my life. I realized I can't ignore my parents bigotry and bullshit anymore. That nothing in my life can effect me more deeply than my daughter. The stress and pain that she's been dealing with lately was killing me. We have moved twice in the past 10 months both of which are long ridiculous stories of more stress and ridiculousness. I heard nothing but negative rumors about my job all summer long. On top of feeling like the royal ass wiper of the family, T crosser I dotter. Probably along the same level of bullshit compounding one thing after another that many other people are facing too.

My whole life there was nothing but negative build up, then miraculous recovery. This is the key to life that I had forgotten. I had forgotten who I am inside. I had forgotten all that I have already overcome. I wasn't born in the middle of a war but my life was a fight all the same. Looking back my entire life was a spiral of dramatic happenings mostly surrounding my alcoholic father. There were arrests, angry outbursts and lots of smashing things. A family of narcissists both maternal & paternal all trying to make themselves look better than the other. Smarter, better at games, bigger house, better kids. It was a disgusting display. On the upside most of the 13 cousins turned out pretty good with only the youngest of us all being liars, cheats and lazy thieves all three with drug addictions.

I realize I lost the feel of the grass beneath my feet. The smell of the falling blades as they are being cut. I gave in to despair and I didn't sleep for days worrying over what to do. I attempted drastic measures to try and make the changes our family needed. I had a viper's tongue, I over ate, I drank too much and my mind wouldn't quit pulling that one thread to unravel it all. They ( who ever they are) say " be the change that you want to be." But in fact I am a key piece to the puzzle, a very valuable variant in the algorithm and what I do as I move forward affects change. Somehow I forgot one of my basic beliefs- that negative brings negative. This compounded with me worry about the situation was almost my undoing. "What will be will be" "everything happens for a reason" " maybe its for the best" These were phrases I had worked out of my thoughts and practices.
We may have a wee bit of a fight on our hands but the major situation has seemed to work itself out. With 8 seconds left in the game mind you so there is still a lot to do! I hope that if even one person reads this and remembers they are a powerful being who can affect change in their lives than I'm good. Just by writing this I've reinforced and re-imprinted my own positive attitude to myself. You are the battery you have access to all the energy of the world now go and make it do your bidding! In a positive beneficial to society kinda way. Thanx for listening and blessed be!