Mental Health: Do You Use Chaos to Attract Attention to Yourself?

Have you ever met somebody whose entire life seems to be deeply steeped in a constant cloud of chaos?

Sometimes it feels like practically everything that happens to them, and every project they undertake, somehow turns into a messed up emergency? And it leaves you wondering why this person seems completely unable to make choices that allows them to navigate their life with ease.

In counseling many clients whose primary issues revolve around their past traumas, we often have to look backwards to get at the roots of such tendencies.

Without a doubt, there are many life situations that are quite challenging, so there are things that can go wrong. We all know this. But if we attract chaos and mishaps, what else is at play?

In many cases, there is a background of neglect involved. I have had more than a few clients describe their childhoods as a situation in which the only way to get attention from parents or caregivers was if they had "a crisis" of some kind.

Perhaps the only time the traumatized child experienced what felt like authentic caring and empathy was when something truly horrible had happened to them.

We learn a lot from our early surroundings!

Ironically, we can often recognize our negative patterns, but we still lack the psychological tools to respond appropriately when our old trigger situations arise.

I have had more than one client tell me that they know the chaos is a bad thing... but they "go there" because at least it is a familiar situation, and they feel uncertain about or even fearful of making a different choice that might result in a different outcome.

The psychology profession has a tendency to write off pervasively "chaotic" people as either Histrionic, or even Borderline, but that's not necessarily accurate. We have to dig deeper, if we truly want to facilitate healing.

Part of that comes from understanding the why behind chaos feeling like a comfort zone. Chances are it's not the chaos we like, it's what we get in terms of empathy, support, attention or whatever else we feel is lacking in our lives.

Of course, there are many ways to get these responses, but if you don't understand that to be true, you tend to reach for the ways you know will get the desired results.

Often healing can begin with the recognition that it may be the people we choose to be around that needs to change. That can be as simple as examining why we believe that people without chaos are "boring" and "lack passion."

Typically, we say that because their responses are not familiar to us. Once we learn that we will be heard and seen without the chaos... that chaos has a way of starting to go away, by itself.

They journey to healing is never easy! And it takes bravery to take the first step.

Thanks for visiting, and Bright Blessings to all!

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