RE: My life is sfull of boring days but on exciting times but I am still compelled to grind and grind
So your life is full of boring days? How come you don't start painting like we talked about several times? It's time to take the next step and keep the mind busy, or ventilate by creating something.
You can use literally everything to paint instead of a brush, sponge, feather, cloth, piece of paper.
I understand the worries and frustration you had and feel at times. I do understand you don't like the way you look, the sound of your voice, how your life changed from one moment to the next and no I am not talking about not finishing school
You did some huge steps and you are still around, so m ake the best out of it, paint, paint, paint, create something, share music while you try to heal your body.
I you have no idea how it feels if you say this
even though I am the lowest of the low
I thought I said before you should NOT say that, no matter how you feel, it will not have a positive effect on you, and it hurts your mom as well.
Did you ever ask yourself how she feels, how your parents feel, if they feel guilty because of what you are going through, how much they worry and sacrifice, the tears they shed, all their unspoken words, thoughts?
The lowest of the low has nothing to do with looks but with how we act. How we behave towards others. The lowest of low are those who scam, cheat, fill their pockets on the account of those who cannot defend themselves or act, the lowest of the low are the rapists proud of themselves.
So gather yourself together and go shop for paint, brushes, paper, canvas and fight those dull moments, even if it takes you a week or month to paint, something is better than nothing.
Let me know what you like to buy.
Hi Miss @wakeupkitty, I still long for that normal feeling which normal people feels in terms of physical well-being and often times it would affect me emotionally considering that I cannot no longer get back to that state of being normal again.
That is why I said that I am lowest of the low not because of being immoral, evil, and all that, but because I had gone into a path of fate where only a few in Billion people would fall into, so I regard myself as so unlucky considering that we only live once in this world and yet I failed to catch some joy from this short lifetime of mine.
But I am trying to keep myself strong inside and out because I do not want to disappoint the people who cares for my existence like you and others and of course my siblings like one of my brothers which supported me right from the start and also my parents which are like the hand of God for me. If I will lose spirit and give-up, it will also be a pain for the people around me and I do not want it to happen, so am just continuing to fight even though making a difference in my physical well-being seems to be futile because there will be a point that something has to give but I am trying not to think about it although it makes me sad and frustrated feel inside.
Anyway, If I would start to paint I will chose the watercolor paint because oil paints requires me to use volatile paint thinners to clean the supposed brushes and it is harmful to even anybody's health and i do not have an ample space to do it much less a physical energy to do the oil painting which I would really prefer than watercolor painting.
It is because oil painting with proper materials can do a much detailed creation in my opinion. I am basing it on how Bob Ross does his painting whom I got my inspiration to do my own digital painting before which I discontinued because it is a hard work because of my weak arms and hands. That is why I am finding myself trying to rest my eternally tired body and setting aside these things that I want to do. But maybe for now I can try a watercolor painting and I hope wills it for my body to get more better so that this supposed future hobby will be enjoyable rather than a painful chore to do.
Thank Miss @wakeupkitty for your love and support in many ways for me. I appreciate it all truly with my heart. 🧡🧡🧡🌹🌹🌹
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First of all I like you to know that I know not one single person who experience a positive physical well being.
My child asked me yesterday if I ever felt fresh after I woke up. I said no. The child has the same and many have no matter the age or how they look. Most suffer from their back, neck, cramps, painful joints, headaches and so on. It makes me wonder if it is all the result of the mental state (worries, rush) or we have serious lacks of sun, vitamins, minerals.
I know you felt emotional and you have all right to feel that way. No one can feel what you feel, the battle you fight every minute of your life next to the worries and everything you try to take care of. I truly find it a miracle you do this all, but also want you to do something fun for yourself to find some relieve and not only stare at a device or the ceiling.
How about you start with water colour and acrylic? Go have a look at what you can find and I sent you money (see PayPal).
Also look for the plants with flowers in front of your window. It's not a new house but it doesn't mean we can not brighten it up with the beauty we can create if we practice and it gives you different things to photograph.
Friend, let's do it now and not see it as a future hobby. Live today, let's not add more regrets.
A good start for or after Pentecost.
Live for yourself and if you feel you can no longer fight or hold on know that is fine too.
♥️♥️🤗🤗🍀🍀
Let's go for flowers and paint.
P. S. You can feel low or down but you are not the lowest of the low!
0.00 SBD,
0.00 STEEM,
0.11 SP
I remember one of my brothers telling me when we were just kids and he said, "Last night I closed my eyes and when I opened them again it is already morning". It actually amazed me on how he slept nonstop without waking up at leas once which means an excellent health condition, well of course he is not sick.
I just missed those younger years of mine where at ten o'clock in the evening it is just unbearable to stay awake anymore and at that time the night seems to be so deep in the night for me considering that I am already sick back then but not yet on dialysis, just on the process.
Anyway I was feeling better "sleepwise" because of this mattress, it is not uncomfortable to lay down on my bed in any position thanks to you my friend. I must say that one soft mattress is a key for a good night's sleep although I still have an intermittent sleep pattern during the night but maybe the noise around like from the road causes it too.
I am saying that my body is so different now and I am frustrated about it so little differences in my well-being in terms of improvement is a real joy for me like for example even if I walk like a ten centuries old man with an acacia tree on my back, I am still so thankful that I can still move my body because I already experienced being a potato in bed with miserable joint pains and cannot possibly walk until thanks be to God a million I was able to at least crawl to the bathroom and wash myself on my own.
Anyway again, I don't know if I can ever paint. The digital painting that I had done before required me a lot of hours to do and its a trial and error until I got the best creation suited for my taste and little talent.
I reckon that unlike oil paintings, when I would do a water color, I will not be able to erase a redo what color I had put in. Actually I had never done a "real" painting before and I am not sure that I can ever do it although I wanted to but I am not an artist and lacks the skill for sure in doing it.
I appreciate the funds you sent me through PayPal to purchase the needed materials, now I will have to try it but I am afraid to try, I am not an artist. 😅
Thank you Miss @wakeupkitty for all your attention, love and support. May God always bless and keep you along with your loved ones. 🧡🧡🧡🌹🌹🌹
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