Early Bird Discount

I thought instead of waking up early, I stay awake. No early bird discount I'll miss by sleeping through the alarm. It sounded like a great idea, So I watched a few exciting films and took some drinks, no not what you believe but coffee, coffee, tea, coke and more coffee and coffee to fight the sleep. I called a few friends to keep me company, no one picked up the phone. Strange since it's the weekend and as far as I new they all intended to go to the early bird shops with discounts of over fifty per cent.
Halfway the night I heard a bing bang and a shot I thought: Who cares, I better stay inside instead of sticking my nose in others' issues. As we all know around 2 and 3 am it's burglar's hour and you are safer if staying inside and keeping an eye on your stuff. More coffee, coffee with cream, coffee with sugar, black coffee and in between I did a quick pee and sucked some toothpaste out of the tube. No need to scrub with a brush since I hadn't eaten anything. Being slim isn't the plan, but if you wanna spend, you have to give up on other expenses.
I read about the mientus, a super cool store with brands for the real men. All I had to do was be on time and wear the outfit I liked most. No need to shave and no need to wash my hair. I just pretend it's modern and cool, and don't you agree all women fall for a great guy like me? From a distance, you can't see that I don't use gel in my hair, but it's greasy, or actually dirty.
I was the first! Hurray, I knew where to find the stuff I needed badly to show off, I mean to be dressed modern and find a rich girl falling for me and buying me supper. The photographer was happy with me, as you can see, I am his free model and showing the early bird discount offer to those who like the clothes I'm wearing, though I am not sure what I put on if there's a customer who likes this, since I threw away my stinking pieces. Too old, too smelly to wear any longer, I take my chance and will look ugly at everyone who tries to pull the clothes off my body. These are mine, and no way you will get what is mine. Next time, better pal, don't wake up early, but stay awake and make sure you bought plenty of coffee to receive the discount.

_{11.6.25
The prompt is the title and provided by @freewritehouse
I used: https://thestoryshack.com/writing-exercise/ to write and left the text as it is}