It looks as if you and Ian have a lot in common. He decided to stand up and get through the fence that stood between him and the rest of the world and like Ian you have your mom which is a huge luck but I also believe that if you mom is not around someone else will give you a hand but for that you have to stand up and show yourself.
I thought about this film this morning, and I do believe that we see ourselves differently from how others see us.
Do you remember the part with the coffee cup? If Ian hadn't have felt miserable and would have done as if nothing serious was going on (not held his arm in the hope to make it shaking) no one would have laughed. People, especially bullies, have a radar if it comes to certain behaviour, meaning how many respond is not always about looks but more about how we feel and show that. It's like dogs who can feel fear.

Did i tell you about a schoolmate I had? You could say she was extremely ugly and her legs were disabled. Not very girly either but she had a very pleasant, joyful natures and that overshadowed her looks and made her gorgeous. We lost contact after I moved (more than once) but she frequently crosses my mind because after her I never met someone with such a shiny personality.

It is not bad you chose to fight instead of giving up and dying miserably. I understand it worries you how your near future will look like, but no matter how you see it you did achieve a lot and can be proud you managed to be at least financially independent, which helps a lot and is good for one's ego. I know you are struggling, but you have a lot to offer and many can learn from you.

Let me give you a warm embrace this Sunday!
I hope tomorrow the dialysis will be better or some nurse will wake up and o her job.

♥️♥️♥️