Wishing Ian to have the best life while growing up.

It is really hard to live with disability particularly if you are not born with it in the first place because it is truly hard to accept if you do not have God in your life and not knowing that this life is temporary and that the true life without pain, sadness, grief, suffering, and all the troubles in life is in heaven.

By being a spiritual person (trying to be), it is a consolation to me that I have this way of thinking because otherwise I will feel more of the impact of the heaven and earth closing down against me because of this rare and difficult medical misfortune that I can never overcome because I am just slowing bad things down and not stopping it.

But I am happy enough to achieve improvements and that is already a win for me. Now I just need all the love that I can get from the people around me. However, nothing can compare about the love that I get from my Mother who I think is a big binder of our family because she is a mediator to me and my father and other siblings, so if she will be gone I will find it hard to deal with my other siblings other than my one other brother which has the same religious as I have.

But anyway, our family is still tight-knit and I will always get their support in any way possible but not financially because I do not want to put a burden on their shoulders regarding that matter because after all thanks be to God I can already support myself financially in some level.

But I still feel vulnerable for the reason of my dependence on other people, it is not the way of life that I wanted even if I will get an ample amount of it because life is intended to be enjoyed with a normal body particularly with normal body processes and not with this feeling of a constant poison lingering in my blood which is harder than being bed-bound or wheelchair bound for that matter as it is is a form of torture of enduring toxic waste in the blood 21/7 with only getting a relief after dialysis but not really putting me in normalcy and it is beyond disability.

It is too bad that I chose to fight because I can't possibly give-up because a ticket to death is a lingering death and I am afraid of that from happening. So I just try lots of ways to improve my life and deal with the problem at hand, trying radical approach to put some easement her and there, at least many things worked-out great which I am enjoying and hoping for more and praying a miracle to happen again to let me taste how it is to be normal again at least from the inside because I am still alive and the world is still round. Possibilities are endless if God works in a person's life but I have to still suck it up and be brave because odds are still against me, so again I just need all the love in the world.

Thank you Miss @wakeupkitty @wakeupkitty.pal 🌹🌹🌹