Traditionally, here in Bulgaria, the son's family is also expected to take care of his parents. It is not specified who exactly in this family, but the burden and attention fall mainly on him. And this burden and this attention, this original innate fear of parents, what will happen when we get old, sometimes even unconsciously makes them do comical things. My mother, for example, at one point just stopped taking care of me the way she took care of my brother while I was studying, even though he is older than me, because, you know, more attention and care should be given to the person who will take care of them in the future 😂 Apart from that, due to the poor economic condition in the country, three generations often have to live in one house or apartment, and this is murderous in every possible aspect. Many women spend their lives in eternal scandals or silent crying and sorrow, I know many of them. Because usually tradition also dictates that in-laws don't like and accept the daughters-in-law.
My opinion is that adults have no business in the life of a young family, not in the beginning or ever, but since this non-interference, physical and mental, cannot happen, guess if I choose to marry and follow the established traditional order of habitual suffering.
And you know, a few weeks ago, while I was still wondering if one really has to accept and endure everything without complaining, I watched an interview with a woman from Cameroon who defies the traditions of her country and starts to seek her rights, while all the women around her just keep quiet and accept everything. Well, if there are no such people who question, think, ask themselves how they feel and why they feel that way, can something be done, nothing will change in this world, there will be no progress, there will be no revolution in the positive sense. And I'm not talking about selfishness. Because many people would turn to this word to hide everything in it. It is salvation, preservation, evolution.
I understand very well how you feel and you have a right to. You are not overly dramatic at all, this is life, a part of life for which perhaps some solution can be found to satisfy all parties.🙏
Thank you for sharing your thoughts so openly. Your example about your mother struck a deep chord—there’s so much unspoken pain in these dynamics that linger through generations.
The preference for sons is a familiar mindset here as well. While some changes are happening, the deep-rooted obsession with having boys over girls often boils down to them being seen as future caretakers or breadwinners. It's frustrating how such biases continue to persist, even when society is evolving.
I do not deny the role of women in homemaking. It is significant and isn’t inherently negative. But when you mix in these complicated dynamics between mothers-in-law, fathers-in-law, and daughters-in-law, it creates an overwhelming web of unspoken rules and burdens. These unsaid expectations often rob people of their peace, leading to resentment, sorrow, and sometimes even rebellion.
Your point about questioning traditions really resonates with me. I feel the same—without those who dare to challenge the norms, nothing ever changes. But would I ever be that person…? This is something not well taken by society. People cling to their preferences, their ideologies, and there’s this patriarchy that permeates everything. The mothers-in-law are always superior—they’ve mastered the art of control, especially over their sons. Emotional manipulation becomes a subtle, yet powerful, tool. And then, in the later stages of life, this lingering dilemma emerges: the role of a caretaker that a son is expected to adopt.
It’s a complex web, isn’t it? On one hand, there’s tradition demanding filial loyalty, and on the other, there’s the struggle of new relationships to find their footing amidst these entrenched dynamics. It makes me wonder—can one ever break free from this cycle without shattering the fragile fabric of family? And if so, how does one strike a balance?
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