Things with an S
I’m definitely not a fan of spiders. In fact, many things that start with an S, I tend to stay clear of. You know – Spiders, Scorpions, Snakes, Sharks and my father’s ex-wife Sanet.
They just appear out of nowhere, I get a fright and then I use words no educated girl should ever use. The psycho in me comes out and woe betide the Spider prowling in my house! I don’t think Spiders are pretty or useful unless they’re a splat or swimming in poison – like DEAD. How can you love anything with eight eyes and hair that scurry in the dark like a thief!
They're not pets
So… I understand some individuals, breed with spiders (and other S things) and keep them as pets. Understand is the wrong word. I don’t understand it and I never will. Let’s say rather it’s something I know, but don’t comprehend. Let’s just make something clear. SPIDERS and SNAKES are NOT PETS. You can’t take then places, you can’t play with them in the park, they can’t fetch a ball, they can’t alert you of danger and they don’t jump, bark and look happy when you get back from work. They can’t keep you warm in winter and they can’t comfort you when you’re sad. You can’t take them on long walks with you and I don’t think they should be kept in a glass box and fed for fun.
This is just my opinion of course, but I don’t get it, I don’t understand it and I don’t think I ever will. If you’re sitting there reading this post while lovingly stroking Hercules, your tarantula or Slinky your pet boa – Good on you! To each his own I say, but you should know that you and I can be never be close friends.
Better safe than sorry
Up till last night I haven’t seen a big spider in or near my house for a while. Also, it seems the black widow spiders are now hopefully living next door or got a really good hiding spot far away from the psycho lady with the poison. In South Africa we have gargantuan, revolting, creepy (and yes, some of them actually are deadly) Arachnids. I’ve executed those who dare to cross my path in many different colourful ways.
I’m not completely heartless. Once I caught one in a plastic bowl to set if free across the road. (No, the plastic wasn’t see-through! Can you imagine! No.). When it started scurrying around I stomped on it anyway. Just in case he has a big family (which they do!) and remembers where I stay. Better safe than sorry I say. What if it wants to take revenge?
The unwelcome visitor
Last night we had a visit from a massive wolf spider. If you read up on the wolf spider you’ll see words like opportunistic, robust and agile, pouncing on prey, chasing over short distances, very painful bite, carries babies on its back. So not only is this creature an opportunistic hunter that pounces on its prey, has a painful bite that burns like nobody’s business, it also comes with its own posse!! I won’t accommodate a robust hunting-party that lurks and waits for the opportunity to pounce on me, my husband or my babies.
The Wolf spider
Image Credit
They carry their babies on their back
Image Credit
I'll be your Superhero
So... I armed my husband with a can of poison and clear instructions and kept a safe distance with our girls. He’s not a fan of spiders either and this was a big one, but he went forth and conquered!
Little girls should have a superhero. My father was my first hero. Much like my husband was to me and our girls last night. He rid my path of spiders and other S things. Since then my father-in-law has saved me from a ‘S’bat. My brothers and an ex-boyfriend at one stage or another employed their shoes or even brooms. But the hero of the moment is my husband.
While I huddled with the children at a safe distance (with the Jaws theme song ringing in my ears) I looked at him and thought of this Afrikaans song instead. It’s called Superhero by Eden. Some of the lyrics consist of and roughly translates to: “Can I be your Superman, Batman and Ironman. I’ll look after you in the dark. I’ll be a hero for you. I’ll take on the world and be your hero. The hero inside me will fight like a giant. It’s only you that makes me a hero.”
Credit
It might be serendipity (another S word) that I just posted my own photos of a garden spider that in my book earned the distinction of being an honorary crab ;) That is I posted it before seeing yours in my feed.
The photos amplify how big it was. Really was large for the Southern California suburbs hanging from the awning by my bedroom window.
I'm probably no braver than you when it comes to spiders but one of my first posts to Steemit was taken by me standing beneath this beast perched on it's web. If it had dropped on me I'd probably not be here to talk about it LOL.
Here's a preview.
Hey! Definitely serendipity. I cringed just looking at your preview. Knowing your posts by now I took a couple of calming breaths before I opened your post! O. MY. THUNDER!!
You gave me a good laugh with that one :)
Congrats! I see your post was voted by @Curie
Keep up the great work!
Cool! High five to me!
This is a really fun and creative post, I encourage you to keep doing stuff like this. I dont mind spiders but if one that size came near me id spaz...Definitely have to kill it so I could sleep...I followed look forward to reading more of your posts please follow back :D
Thank you very much @jacobcards. I enjoyed writing this one, and learning to as I go. The big ones freak me out. I leave them be in the garden and nature, but my house is a definate no-go zone. I'm on my way to your blog...
AYIIIIIEEEEEE! If I saw a wolf spider that big, I'd probably throw my husband at it. At 6'4" it would be my hope that he would squish it - but sadly, he's probably trample me because he'd be running so fast! He's more afraid of them than I am! LOL
LOL!! Let's hope you don't have to encounter one. I'd hate for you to be trampled.
Over the summer there was a snake in the yard as he was mowing the lawn. Somehow he hopped the fence, was on the back porch cracking a beer and saying, "Nope. Not going out there again," all before the kill switch stopped the engine on the lawn mower. To this day I have no idea how he moved so fast without hurting himself. LOL I would definitely get trampled.
Bwhahahaha! I can't stop laughing!! I think in pictures and the more I think, the more I see your very tall husband flying over the fence hat going the other way and the lawnmower doing circles around a snake!!
That probably wouldn't be too far off! He's such a toon. LOL
My dad came home from shopping years ago. My brother @ollie7 was about 9 at the time (buck teeth, ears and knees stage). He had a cape and swimming goggles on, riding his bike around the house. Everytime he passed he shouted: 'Hi dad, bye dad! I'm the man without the identity!' On the last round a snake had had enough of the 'man without the identity' and spit at him.
My dad says he heard him screaming and that my brother had run through the house before he heard the bike fall in the back yard.
I can just picture my brother with the goggles and cape. LOL!
@naomi.louise I am glad that your husband saved you and the girls. Superfunny post and I enjoyed reading this. Just be cautious of not ruining the eco-system with all your spider killings. Spiders are in fact our friends. They do keep other insects away from us. Maybe it is because of you that we have so many mosquitoes here these days:)
Thank you @giantbear. My friends don't lurk in the dark, scurry when the light goes on and they don't byte me when I get too close.
I'm trying to understand your comment. You say your friends are spiders because they keep insects away from you.... Mmm.... Your 'friends' aren't doing what you say they do. Else you won't have a mozzie problem.