Forget about all and any organized religion. Do you really need a middleman between you and God? Before marrying based on what you wrote, you should wait at least a year and then see if you really are ready to be a husband, and a father. That means you do not hurt the ones you love, you don't hit, you don't beat, you just hug them when they are hurt. When you hurt instead of punching holes in the wall find someone to hug, even if it is just your pet dog. In fact if you do not have a pet, you should get either a cat or a dog. If you can love it for the next year, if you can avoid not hurting it in the next year, then you may be man enough to think about being married, and starting a family.

Look back at your life, you don't need a white coat to help you do that, just look back see accept it, and then look at where you are now. Life sucks at times for everyone. We either see it sucks, or we ignore it and continue with our blinders on, wondering why it sucks so much, why we can't let go of the past. Why would anyone want to let go of a part of them? I have never understood that. It is your past that has made you who you are today. You can not change the past, but you can look at it and change where you are going.

Whitecoats will tell you you need to do this do that examine in the minutest detail this aspect of your life, from your writing above you have been there done that...has it helped? Understand where you are in the here and now. have any of the white coats told you that? Before we can move forward we need to know where we have been, and where we are at today.

I hope this translates okay.