Finish the Story Contest - WEEK #19 - Faded memories

Hi guys, this is my first ever entry in writing contest, so I'm very happy about that. Don't be so hard on you critics, but I'm looking forward for some tips. It's a Finish the Story Contest - Week 19 by f3nix

I Will Write No More
Prague, 22 September 1994

Dear silent friend,

once again, I will force you to bear the tremulous handwriting of this pathetic old man.
Time has yellowed my fingers and your pages in equal measure. But I know you will not complain in finding yourself soiled by my memories once again, after such a long time, after the hiatus of decades of life, spent far away from the ancient leather of your cover. And I hope it did not bother you to try the tickling of my pen again. Not more than three spots of water and ten sheets before this, you still were curiously waiting for the hand of a fourteen-year-old, full of dreams and watercolours.

As I write, the mist rises from Moldova and lingers among the ancient gothic spires, guardians of forgotten secrets, while a pale September sun, as a master of alchemy, transmutes in gold water and heavens.
There is this little kestrel who, for a few days, has been picking on the attic's glass at dusk, while I perform my little preparatory rituals before everything happens like every night. The graceful winged evening’s maid urges me to once again cast my gaze on the hundred towers city, but these eyes will no longer be able to patiently stand on the surface of the mystery.

"I discovered a terrible law that links the green colour, the fifth chord and the heat. I lost the joy of living. Power scares me. I will write no more”. Such were your feelings, Gustavo, and I still remember your trembling voice when you confided in me, the last time we met, before the great war swallowed everything and everyone, forcing us to interrupt our occultic studies. Only now that the layers of reality have finally crumbled before my eyes, like a sedimentary stone on the sides of a primordial river, I can grasp the true meaning of your words. The anxious joy of discovery, mixed with the ancestral vertigo of sidereal abysses, has overwhelmed me and continues to overwhelm me every night I leave.

And, just as in the layers of rock are the remains of creatures lost in time, even these levels of reality are not devoid of surprises .. and encounters. By now, I'm sure they saw me, but I cannot help but go back. Of all, I know that the faceless child already waits for me, every time closer, just beyond the threshold. He craves my warmth, my vibration and, this time, I do not know if I will manage to continue playing the game of deceiving him, while I persevere to the end. Certainly, I cannot draw back right now that my human life ends and, at the same time, I’m experimenting one, a hundred, a thousand lives.

Forgive me, dear diary, for having forced you to bear my poor ravings again. Perhaps, we’ll never meet again. The kestrel flew towards the old city. It's time to leave.

Faceless child, yes, I still remember how it haunted me through my dreams many years. I'm trying to recall how that started, but it slips my tired mind. Some flashes of past times still come to my senses. There was a time, when I was attracted to mystery, secrets wrapped in velvet, unexplored depths of the possible and impossible.

Not knowing, I dedicated my life to unknown and that was my reward. Memories have disappeared, disappeared as well as the some of the knowledge. But you, my only friend, you contain pieces of my life. Long years have brought me times when I was rich as a person can be, also times when I was a beggar. But, never not in a second, I've never doubted my choices. Maybe I was misled by false promises, but I became bigger than myself. The knowledge I've coined over the years has been embedded in the very essence of my being. Years of experiments, in every cell of my body I fed the knowledge that was available, the knowledge I came to know.

It's hard my friend. So hard not to remember events in life, but to remember every sentence I've ever read. It's a burden, and it will be lost very soon. I was so self-confident that I would find the formula for life without end, I was so skilled that I did not write a single word, I did not share my knowledge with anyone. Once, I was so close to discovering the greatest mystery of our craft, however, some things were not given to being discovered. I got it too late.

I don't recall times when I helped this city. I wrote here about that years ago I think. there was some strange disease spreading 50 years ago. Hm, I'm not sure what I did then, but it helped. Apparently I saved many lives. Maybe the greatest achievements of my life, and the moments of these events are forever lost to me. Even now, with the very end of my journey.

After decades of not turning back, to see my life passes by me, I do not even know why I'm trying it now. Probably, deep in me, I want to see myself as a living being, here where everything comes to its end. I'm not sure there is anything to be proud of or something to be ashamed of. That is also my burden. Maybe I deserved everything, not sure about that either. Sunset of this lifetime has come to an end.

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