Jealousy and mistrust

Hello readers. Today I would like to illuminate what a panic attack feels like. What it is like to have to battle your insecurities and your mistrust. To be a gladiator alone in the ring against your worst fears. They’re all a little different, but they are also all the same.

Jealousy and Mistrust

My skin is hot, flaring with my insecurities. I fear the worst, expecting a call. Waiting. Waiting. When Will she call? When will she answer?

My thoughts race, questioning, is she cheating?Who is he? I see him on top of her, her head tilted back in gruesome ecstasy.

Is she okay? I see her cutting her wrists, given up. Tired of her struggles. She couldn’t handle it anymore. She couldn’t keep going. She’s given up.

Have I upset her? Is she secretly resenting me? Did I say something more to push her farther away? Have I crossed another line?

What if her car is In the ditch again. Flashes of the er run through my minds eye, doctors in white coats with their paddles working at her side. A drop of blood runs out from below the sheet.

I can feel my pulse inside of my own head, echoing through the chambers of my body.

My heart thumps harder and harder.The clock keeps ticking. I keep waiting.

Waiting. This endless cycle. Isolated. Alone. Betrayed. Abandoned.

I feel second best to whatever it is she is doing. What is it that she is doing? Why won’t she answer? Lack of trust. Lack of communication. Can’t have trust without communication.

Did she leave her phone behind? She never leaves her phone behind. It’s her security blanket.

Does she have a visitor? Is he more kind than me? Is she more luscious than I?