How I edit my own work - Plus a story to read too - 4

michelle.gent (74)in #writing • 7 years ago (edited)

If you'd like to read the story in the edited format rather than comparing the 'before and after' versions, feel free to just read the left hand side version.

Images from Google (free to use) and Pixabay

This time, there are fewer words in the edited version. I chopped out more than I put in. That's how it goes, sometimes.

The biggest chunk of words were taken from the paragraph just below the first picture.

Original text

Katherine was calmed by his soothing tone and she listened to his voice explaining what he did and how he lived. She understood that he was willing to teach her his craft and how to read and write and in the end, they would be as partners. In exchange, she would keep his house and cook for him and study hard.

When he was away, she would be safe, for he could place enchantments around her and their home and eventually, she would be able to do the same. Her apprenticeship would take years, but if she was diligent, she would become a healer.

It took very little time for Katherine to agree to the conditions and they set to work to begin her lessons.

Pain management was one lesson that Katherine wanted to learn first but Dominic was adamant that her own needs were secondary to the needs of others and until she had learned to put other beings first, she would not learn anything well.

He began to teach her the first lessons of his craft the very next day.

On most evenings she would collapse into her bed, exhausted from the lessons and from the chores. She awoke early every morning and set the fire and cooked their breakfast.

Sometimes she would have to wake Dominic, but other times he was already gone when she brought his food and she was puzzled as to how he had got past her in their one-room shack.

She learned to read from the few books that Dominic had lying about the place – only few were of any interest because most were written in a language that Katherine could not understand and Dominic said that he could not understand them enough to teach her. He studied those books in an attempt to decipher them enough to be able to teach Katherine.

She studied her lessons well and became as good a healer as Dominic and sometimes was allowed to carry out healing on the very infrequent visitors that came to the shack for that purpose.

Dominic seemed pleased with her progress and made more frequent trips away from home, he was confident enough to leave her to her own devices.

As she grew and her body began to develop, Dominic fixed up a blanket around her bed so that she could at least have some semblance of privacy. He did not seem to have any designs on her physically and so she was surprised beyond measure one evening.

“I think that I should like to have you as my wife once you have completed your apprenticeship.”

Katherine sat with her mouth open for a moment and was at a loss for words. She managed to speak after a short time and said in a hesitant voice: “I think I would like that too.”

“Good, then that is settled.” Dominic smiled and Katherine was delighted because Dominic very rarely smiled and she had decided a long time ago that she loved to see the corners of his mouth turn upwards, especially if the expression was directed at her.

Dominic did not alter the way he treated Katherine, however. He was still as aloof as ever and showed no affection towards her.

Katherine was shy of showing affection first and so followed his lead and did not change the way she worked with him either.

Katherine’s only memory of affection was that from her mother many years previous to the relationship she now shared with Dominic and she was at a loss for most of the time, she did not know how an engaged woman should behave with her fiancé.

Edited text

Dominic’s soothing tone calmed Katherine and she listened to his voice explaining what he did and how he lived. He made it easy for her to understand that he was willing to teach her his craft and how to read and write. In the end, he assured her, they would be partners. In exchange, she would keep the house clean, cook for him and study hard.

When he was away, she would be safe. Dominic placed enchantments around her and their home. Eventually, with the lessons he taught and a lot of practice, she would be able to do the same. Apprenticeships took years, but if she was diligent, she would become a skilled healer.

Katherine agreed to the conditions almost immediately and they set to work to begin her lessons.

Pain management was the one lesson Katherine wanted to learn first, but Dominic was adamant that her own needs were secondary to the needs of others.

“Until you learn to put other beings first, you will learn nothing well,” he said.

He began the first lessons of his craft the very next day.

On most evenings, she collapsed into bed, exhausted from the lessons and chores. She awoke early every morning and set the fire to cook breakfast.

Sometimes she would have to wake Dominic, but most times he was already gone when she brought his food, and she was puzzled as to how he had managed to leave without her knowledge, especially given the close-confines of their one-room shack.

She learned to read by studying the few books Dominic had lying about the place – few were of any interest or use, because most were written in a language that Katherine could not understand. Dominic said that he could not understand them enough.

He studied those books in an attempt to decipher them and be able to teach Katherine.

She studied well and became as good a healer as Dominic. Sometimes she was allowed to heal an infrequent visitor that came to the shack for that purpose.

Dominic seemed pleased with her progress and made more frequent and lengthier trips away from home; confident enough to leave her to her own devices.

“I think that I should like to have you as my wife once you have completed your apprenticeship,” he said.

Katherine sat with her mouth open for a moment and was at a loss for words. She managed to speak after a short time and in a hesitant voice, she said, “I think I would like that too.”

“Good, then that is settled.” Dominic smiled and Katherine’s heart leaped because Dominic very rarely smiled. She had decided a long time ago that she loved to see the corners of his mouth turn upwards, especially if the expression was directed at her.

Dominic did not alter the way he treated Katherine, however. He was as aloof as ever and showed no affection towards her.

Katherine was shy of showing affection first, and so followed his lead and did not change the way she worked with him.

Katherine’s only memory of affection was from her mother many years previous to the relationship she shared with Dominic. She was at a loss for most of the time, she did not know how an engaged woman should behave with her fiancé.

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