Longest Witheld Longing (Original Poetry)

It wasn't just 
that the lights went out
     nor the sudden sound 
     marking their death.
.
It wasn't really 
     fear of darkness
or the unknown 
   standing barely beyond 
        sight's reaching,
waiting for the chance to move 
    in one smooth sweep strike out
    stealing first born sons. 
.
But the lost 
             train of thought
with one flash   every thing 
                 in progress
                     stopped.
.
And these sheets you 
hide under
          from loneliness
smell of gingerbread 
                    with no reason
except for his skin
       they haven't touched since
several washings now.
                 No reason,
just your missing parts
                   and fears
     of speeds known to turn 
      lights out in hearts
with hardly a murmur or excuse.
.
But the emptiness can sink
            into your bones
and you'll sink back
            into some holes
they custom design nightly
     as you toss, turning away 
from this emptiness again
  longest held breath wins
when patience only grows so thin
     what's really bothering me is
          I'm definitely losing it.   

- JAY -

Another oldie... to sum it up, long distance relationships suck. I think all of mine have pretty much had some phases of us being away from each other for periods of time.
So yeah, this one seemed fitting to me lately because for some reason I keep having the strangest little scary dreams. I've been sick and it happens when I doze off on the couch for just ten minutes, I really hate those ones.

One of them was another couple and involved a horrible accident of a guy falling then getting caught in machinery. There was a sound combined of mechanical grinding-squeaking and the yelps a chihuahua puppy makes when scared or hurt.
Only bigger, and not coming from a puppy.
The entire time she was screaming out his name and trying to run back down to the edge he had gone over.
I couldn't get those noises out of my head after I woke. I've never known anybody with that name personally, but now I certainly feel him.
Ugh.

This morning I had one where there was a holiday party or something outside in our yard, and it seems I told one of the drunk guys that something wasn't working properly and needed to be shut off if they couldn't fix it. But since he couldn't fix it he got mad and left.
Really really mad, it seems.
Later on in the dream we had already gone to bed for the night, and I was awoken to my dogs barking freaking out. The guy was in our house. He came up into our room, I could just see his profile, his face was distorted with a mask like a clown's or such. And he carried something, I don't know what. Gun or chainsaw, some huge weaponry or other.
And all this time I had been trying to wake my husband. It had seemed like slow motion as he approached, but once he was in the room and could hear/see me instead of calling out to wake Hubby I could only tug and poke on him under the covers where it wouldn't be seen.
And he wouldn't quite wake up... it was already too late, there was nothing to be done.
I knew it was too late, and still some part of me was just hoping that my dogs, who had gotten quiet, managed to run away. I just didn't want it to be something worse and horrible to make them finally hush up.

Before he left for work today I ran out to the car and made him promise that he'll wake up and kill any clowns that come into our house for me. Hehe.
Another funny moment between being sick is when I check on steem. Now that I figured out how to see my voting power level I'm always trying to keep it from getting back up to 100% and I'll read and upvote in a daze until I can't keep my eyes open.
So I kinda feel bad then laugh at myself if it's already too high when I manage to check on it again. Telling myself I need to just chill out and back off some. I think this site has replaced my gaming addiction in a way.
I'm going to be out of town for a week after my camping trip, maybe two total, and it's crazy that I'm worried about not Steeming all that time. Unless I give in and pack my computer or something.
I shall be taking lots of new pics to post later though!

Thanks for reading! Words are mine.
Pics from Pixabay. Logo gifted by Papa Pepper