11:02AM on a Monday

I was just lying in bed about 30 minutes ago wondering when my stupid brain was going to stfu so I could catch some Zzz's when a random memory popped into place.

You ever accidentally steal anything?

I have... and I'm going to tell you about it and what it taught me. 

I think I was about 9 years old or somewhere around there on the age spectrum and at this specific moment in time I was hanging out with my uncle at the local mall. We were at a KB Toys Store (shout out to all you who remember KB Toys) and I remember my uncle telling me about these plastic bubbles that you blow up with a tiny plastic straw. He shows me where these plastic bubbles are at, I become instantly fascinated by the whole concept and decide to grab a pack and shove it in my pocket thinking "I'm going to show this to my mom... maybe she'll buy it for me." Fast forward an hour later and I'm sitting in the car when I realize I have something in my pocket- it's the plastic bubbles package!

A moment of panic sets in when I realize I just stole something but it quickly subsides because I figure "it's too late now." I remember actually thinking "I'll just pay them for it next time" and I'm not even kidding; I was a stupid kid. 

I tell my mom that I walked out of the store with the plastic bubbles and I don't actually remember her response, maybe I wiped it from my memory banks. 

ANYWAY

Fast forward something like 15 years later and I'm in a shady strip club in Mexico- Yeah, I know... 

So, I'm sitting in this booth with a few buddies of mine and one of them is egging me on to get hooked up with a "private dance" though I have to point out that I'm not sure of the validity of calling that since the dance literally takes place on this tiny stage in front of the whole damn room on some small sofa with absolutely no privacy what so ever!

I keep saying I'm not into it, he keeps saying "just do it man" and finally he goes behind my back and just pays a girl to jump in my lap and do her thing. I'm kind of drunk during this and tired and I've just hit that point where I'm like "you know what... fuck it" and I just sit back and whatever- just let it happen.

Hours go by after this point and we are in a cab, it comes time to pay for the cab and mind you we are still in Mexico. I reach into my pocket and discover it's empty... IT'S FUCKING EMPTY!!

I had about $150 in that pocket and I am going to bet you've already guessed what happened by now.

The fucking stripper pick-pocketed me. I realized this when I recalled the fact she was really trying to reach around and touch my ass, which I thought was weird but hey... maybe that's just how they do things in Mexico, I don't know! But nope, she knew I was drunk and saw an opportunity and you bet your ass she took it along with my money.

Anyway, my buddy wound up laughing at me, paid for the cab ride and I realized that Karma is a bitch.

-done