KRAMER – short story written by a writer wannabe 2 years ago.

in #writing7 years ago (edited)

A few days ago, going through some old folders in order to delete some files to free up some data space on my computer, I found a little story I wrote around 2 years ago for my conversational English class. It is a short story (not even 1.100 words!), but I was (and still am) so proud of it, that I want to share it with the world.

I'm just a beginner, so I'd really appreciate it if you'd give it a quick look and tell me what you think about it.
I can't wait to read your opinions.

KRAMER

1.

When Marie Hemingway awoke on January 24th, 2014, she did not think her life would change so radically. She knew that it will be an ordinary day, or at least she thought so. She knew that she would take the subway, she would arrive at the School of Biological Sciences, she would have a test at 0910hs and that she would approve, her mastery of the subject was valuable. She knew that she would have lunch by 1230hs, leave her faculty at 1330hs, that she would walk to the subway, come to her home, greet his neighbor Joe’s Airedale Terrier, then suggest him to go for a coffee in a couple of hours to talk for a while. Then, she would go to the elevator, open the door of her apartment, the 1-8-3 of the Stü tower, and find a dead body in her carpet, completely soaked in a bright crimson; well, she did not really know that last thing.

2.

Joe Hanson was a 23 years old man who lived in southern Maine. He was training to be an interpreter in conflict zones. Every morning he woke up at 0445hs. Monthly he listened and learned a whole album in any language he wished to practice. Also, he was constantly exercising, jogging 5 kilometers in the morning and running another one in the evening. He enjoyed spending time with his pet, Roger, and he definitely loved to eat. He worked as a security manager at a hospital located 20 minutes from his apartment and used to saw Friends with Swedish audio. He was a normal guy, always tidy and punctual. His first (and last, unfortunately) "unpunctuality" at work was on January 26th, 2014, arriving 13 minutes late; only to receive a bullet three hours later, piercing his left lung and leaving Roger ownerless. The murder weapon was not found until 10 days later, and in another continent. Roger feels a change in the air’s tension, an emptiness on his chest that carried him to howl nonstop for hours. Marie caresses him blankly.

3.

Ulrike Müller holds his sister’s baby in arms as she walks to the reception. The baby cries and he tries to calm him down. The baby continues crying and he keeps trying to keep him still. The baby falls silent with a blank stare. Ulrike looks toward the receptionist, looking for Monika. Monika is lying on the ground, breathless and with no trace of a wound. Witnesses say she just collapsed without any cause. The baby laughs. 1995 was a different year for Ulrike and her newborn nephew.

4.

Dr. Hemingway thinks about how he should tell Mrs. Francis that his husband’s son suffers from dissociative identity disorder, seeking for the subtlest way to do it, because such a revelation in holiday season can ruin the celebrations. 23 days later, his wife is boarding a train that then has an accident. An accident without survivors.
5.
Lena Newman, a waitress in a small café located in Bonn reads a headline while waiting for the coffee machine to start. "Dr. John Hemingway was found guilty of the US minister Phillip Johnson’s assassination. At the trial, the judge sentenced the defendant to spend 25 years behind bars." The newspaper also states the current date at the top: June 6th, 2010.

6.

Maurice Kramer is happy to see his new wife playing with his 3-years-old little Timmy. "Finding love again is wonderful.", he thinks as he smiles. Josh Fisherman cheats on Marie with her 'best friend' Anne.

7.

Lena Newman, a morning reading’s lover, reads on February 7th, 2014 her newspaper, routinely. "The body of a young man was found on the River Thames.". She puts the paper away without reading any further.

8.

Dr. Hemingway is about to address a routine consultation. He comments to his secretary Julia that he is frustrated because his daughter is heartbroken and he doesn’t know how to help. His patient, who is waiting for him to stop bewailing, perhaps for too long, is called Timothy Kramer, who shows notoriously impatience, anger.

9.

"International Police say the gun found in the jacket of the young Timothy Kramer, whose body was found in the River Thames yesterday, is linked to the assassination of Minister Phillip Johnson.", states a journalist from The New York Times. The same journalist reports five days later that apparently the bullet found in the body of a young Bartholomew & Barns Hospital’s official, called Joe Hanson, was also fired from the same gun.

10.

Joe Hanson walks to the 1-8-3, looks for Marie among the agglomeration of people: coroners, the police, journalists and some neighbors. Interestingly, he knows most of them. He meets Marie at the entrance’s threshold with a blank expression and a blanket over her shoulders. He hugs and comforts her. "He was my boyfriend five years ago.", she says in a faint voice. "I guess we'll skip the coffee.", he replies. Joe offers her his home to sleep that night and the next one, or as long as she wanted to. Marie wakes up two days later crying and in panic. Inexplicably, she finds it hard to breathe and Joe tries to calm her down making coffee, and also tea, even buying some biscuits at the nearest bakery. He tries many things, even plays the piano for her until she calms down and recommends him to go to work, he would be late otherwise. And he doesn’t ignore her.

11.

"Young analytical biology student commits suicide in a panic attack. The police found evidence in her laboratory that indicates that her father, the renowned Dr. John Hemingway, was imprisoned unjustly. Confirming that the young Timothy Kramer, found a month ago at the bottom of the River Thames, in London, did killed the minister Phillip Johnson.", reports The New York Times.

12.

"Dad, what do you do when you really like a girl that you cannot have and her boyfriend breaks her heart?". "You make sure that no one else can have her.", Maurice replied jokingly.

13.

THE DOCTOR IS NOT RIGHT. YOU CAN NOT REMOVE ME. I AM YOU AND YOU ARE ME. WE JUST ARE. FIGHTING AGAINST ME IS WORNG, THEY ARE THE PROBLEM, NOT YOU, NOT ME. WE NEED TO COMMIT A CRIME. PROBLEMS HAVE TO BE SOLVED, REMOVED.

14.

I HAVE ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT WE ARE NOT THE PROBLEM. DO NOT JUMP! DON’T KILL US BOTH TOO! I BEG YOU! PLEASE! SWIM! GET SOME AIR ON OUR LUNGS! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEA-…
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Good Story, I am from Venezuela too.