140 (A Social Media Short Story)

Be careful who you speak to on social media... They're not always who they claim to be.

Here's a short story I wrote for Hawk & Cleaver's 'The Other Stories' podcast.

Hashtags and filters are my weapons. While some have words, fists, guns, knives or sticks and stones, my 140 character limit is all that stands before me and my ultimate goal – composing something so devastatingly wonderful on social media that it goes viral.  

@ElaineInsane is my handle, and quite fitting really. Although some would find it tasteless, it’s a moniker that I am sure will eventually become notorious. Plus, it’s catchy as hell. I designed the typeface that I used on the logo myself and once I was convinced it looked shit-hot, I added it to all of my pages. I felt a swell of delight at the sight of my brand. 

It wasn’t hard to pick a target. It had to be somebody ‘Facebook famous’, who had amassed a huge amount of followers over a short amount of time by posting six second Vine videos that weren’t half as hilarious as his ‘fans’ thought they were. But, the person couldn’t be innocent, no – they needed to be worthy of receiving a rightful punishment. 

Charlie Chokeslam (not his real name of course) was the young man who I eventually decided upon. He seemed pretty likeable on the surface, his blue eyes and stubbled chin made him quite adorable actually. His sense of humour, however, left a sour taste in my mouth. 

He had a popular social media presence across Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat and more, but he was a woman hating, slut-shaming, sexist idiot with a love for performing pranks and violent ‘wrestling moves’ on his girlfriend. While they seemed playful on the surface there were dark undertones that often rose to the service in the form of online rumours from various sources and public break-ups (which were paired with social media rants from Charlie’s girlfriend that were soon deleted once the couple inevitably got back together). 

So, I did some research. It wasn’t difficult to find out the truth as the friends of both of them were eager to speak out if it seemed like they might get the five minutes of fame that those close to them had experienced. I posed as PR, management and media, making promises and telling as many lies as I could to get my hands on the information I wanted. 

Charlie Chokeslam (real surname Groves) wasn’t just a controlling, abusive little boy. That was the tip of a gruesome iceberg. He also made a habit of grooming his underage fans and meeting with them for sex, taking advantage of his position as a minor celebrity to manipulate naïve young girls. I spoke with several of his victims and while some of them seemed fairly at ease with what he had done, as illegal as it was, one of them had been severely affected by her experience. 

Her name was Annabelle and she had self-harmed for years, but it was only after being used by Charlie that she actually considered taking her own life. I told her to remain strong and that the only true way she could get her revenge was to live a long, happy and fruitful life. She wasn’t to be beaten by that little fucker. I promised her that he’d get what was coming to him. 

As it seems to be with modern social media, it was easy to make contact with him directly. It’s fascinating that sending a message that has a high chance of being seen by even the most famous, rich and powerful on the planet is very much a possibility. I could send a threatening message to the President of the United States or a declaration of love to a popular singer and it’s likely that it may be seen or at least scanned over by the account owner or a representative of that person.  

Of course, Charlie Chokeslam was nowhere near as much of a big deal as he believed he was, so grabbing his attention was quite simple. 

I hit him with a classic catfish, setting up a new Twitter account several months before and following a wide variety of mindless accounts from ad bots to meme sharers to the obvious bullshit – Justin Bieber, One Direction and anybody else that made me feel sick to even pretend to be a fan of. I uploaded pictures I had collected of a girl who was a friend of a friend of an acquaintance, the standard selfies, out drinking with friends, holiday snaps and the like.  

After tweeting enough over the course of many weeks, feigning shock as various events in the world of minor celebrities that I got from online gossip columns and even retweeting the regurgitated bollocks Charlie thought was insightful, I sent him a message. 

He was short at first, only responding with one-word answers and often ignoring my advances. But soon, as he found out more about me – my age, where I went to school and the kind of things I liked to do with my spare time, he quickly turned the conversation to sex. He wanted to see photos of me but I managed to keep him interested without sending any nudes (which I would have had to amassed from another source). 

Eventually, I arranged a meet at what he thought was my parents’ house (while they were away for a long weekend in Berlin). I answered the door in a wig and thick-rimmed glasses, claimed to be the girl’s sister and offered him a drink. I could tell that he was suspicious of me from the off and while he did ask a lot of questions, the drugs started to take effect before he could get cold feet and make a bolt for the door.

 I used a pulley system that I’d put together using a sex swing and some bungee cords to suspend him naked from the ceiling. After slapping him awake I forced him to give me the password to his Twitter account.   

@CharlieChokeslam 01/05/16 9.02pm   I have a confession to make.   

@CharlieChokeslam 01/05/16 9.02pm   I’m not the person you may think I am.   

@CharlieChokeslam 01/05/16 9.03pm   I’m a scumbag. An abusive, pathetic human being with a dangerous superiority complex.   

@CharlieChokeslam 01/05/16 9.06pm   My partner, Alicia, deserves better than me.   

@CharlieChokeslam 01/05/16 9.09pm   I have been violent. I have been manipulative. I have been controlling.   

@CharlieChokeslam 01/05/16 9.15pm   And worse than that, I have been unfaithful in the worst possible way.   

@CharlieChokeslam 01/05/16 9.19pm   I prey on underage girls and force them into sexual acts with me.   

@CharlieChokeslam 01/05/16 9.20pm   It’s @ElaineInsane who will punish me.   

I castrated Charlie with a Stanley knife. He cried and called for his mother. I called the police and used a voice modulator as I told them where to find him. 

The @CharlieChokeslam tweets averaged 30,000 retweets each by the next morning and the @ElaineInsane account had almost 100,000 followers 24 hours later. 

When I eventually checked my inbox I had received dozens of messages asking me for help. I better get to work.  

Ben Errington

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