RE: We-Write #14: At the Club/Moonstruck
I love this story!!!
My first thought: Didn't he set down that beer somewhere??? through the mass of swaying forms; one hand held high as he manoeuvred his beer glass over the heads of the pulsating crowd. PUT DOWN THAT BEER, boy! I was still thinking about that beer as she made a running commentary on the crowd around them, irreverent but not unkind until Toby’s sides were splitting, and he was gasping for breath. This is like the movies and TV shows where nobody ever shuts the door. Not on the fridge, not the front door. Shut the door! How can I focuse on what happens next?
But you totally reeled me in. The ending is perfect. The palm-reading mother and the lovely, poetic prediction: she would find her true love by the light of the silvery moon. Ok, the mother may not have been the palm reader, but she remembered it. "The Silvery Moon" nightclub. #Loveit!!!!
And I'm so happy to see you writing again!
Dammit! I forgot the beer! I'm such a stickler for detail and I forgot the beer. You're a little darling for pointing that out. I thought I was so perfect but I think I'll have to think it out again;)
As to writing again, I do read your weekly freewrite favourites posts you know, every word:):)
Thanks for being such a great inspiration and for all the hard work you do for the freewrite community.
You're thanking me? You do prompt delivery! That's a herculean job.
I wasn't faulting you for neglecting to mention the beer - honest! - just saying, that's the kind of thing I worry about. Because, German. Because, BEER!
I love your writing!!! Thanks so much for reading mine too. And we don't have upvote power or time time comment on everything. I'm glad you're here!!
No worries m'dear, I treat everything as a compliment unless the evidence to the contrary is overwhelming;) and I genuinely appreciate the way you read so thoroughly and comment so masterfully.
As you can see, I myself am still learning the art of the inciteful comment.
OMG you are brilliant - the INCITEFUL comment!!!!
That is so rich! I'm so STeALING it!
Insightful, incite-ful
Sheer genius!
Each post following your comment about the beer has taken pains to address the issue. Inciteful or what? I rest my case:)
LOL!
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy,
Ben Franklin said, and I just don't want to step on sticky beer on the dance floor. What a waste and Ewww - Guard your beer, dancers!!!!
I'm a life-long teetotaller. No wonder I'm miserable;)