I was wrong... but
I’m just going to write my mind like a journal, and put my personal thoughts up here for you to see. I suppose it’s worth saying that I’m a trained writer. I have a BA in English and two Masters Degrees, one of which is in English and Creative Writing. And that’s the problem. In my pursuit of credentials I have doomed myself.
As with everyone, I didn’t know then what I know now. When I signed my name on the dotted line to gain the loans to pay for my expensive education I assured myself that when I graduated I would have the answer as to how to pay this debt off. I was wrong. I was wrong about a lot of things. I was wrong to value a formal education. I was wrong to believe the American system had my best interests at heart. And even though I made nothing but straight A’s, I was wrong to believe in myself.
The prevalence of the internet grew exponentially while I was in school. During these years I became frustrated that despite by best efforts to perform well in school my education was still severely lacking. So I began supplementing my education from what I could find on the Internet. It wasn’t long before I was learning as much from the Internet as I was learning from my textbooks. Three or four years later and I had learned more from the Internet than all of my formal education combined. Still I continued to fail myself. I remained in school despite the obvious fact that my Ivy League education was teaching me relatively nothing. I continued to make A’s, continued to rack up debt, continued my pursuit of the coveted diplomas. Diplomas that now gather dust.
Everyone told me that if you don’t go to college your future is doomed. All that I trusted and admired preached to me that the Universities hold the answers. I was wrong to heed their heartfelt words. I did what they said, and now I’m doomed.
The world changed on us didn’t it? Once upon a time the Universities were indeed the Universities. As I understand it, the ‘University’ is the repository of wisdom and understanding. It is the place where intellectualism is allowed free reign, a place that welcomes debate so as to achieve the quest of greater understanding. This doesn’t sound to me like the institutions to which I now owe so much money. It sounds to me like the Internet.
I’m so angry at myself. The answer was right in front of me, and yet I ignored it because of social pressures. I was lucky; I had found my passion early in life. I wanted to write, but what right do I have to write without the credentials? Even while still in school I was using the Internet to hone my skills and learn what my teachers wouldn’t or couldn’t tell me. Still I remained in school, racking up the debt that now enslaves me.
Judge me if you want. There’s nothing you can say that I haven’t yelled at myself already. I was stupid. But in my defense please remember that I didn’t know then what I know now. I didn’t understand that credentials only mean something in certain fields. I didn’t know that I could be so wrong in striving to achieve my life’s goal.
A new concern now haunts me. An issue that I’m not ‘allowed’ to address is pushing me towards insanity. If you are familiar with personality types, I am an INTJ. In short, I am obsessed with research. If I believe that a topic warrants further investigation I will study everything I can find on the subject. So, this obsession has brought an issue to my attention, an issue that is haunting me.
What if Richard Dolan, Catherine Austin Fitts, and many others are right? What if there is indeed a ‘Breakaway Civilization’? If you are not familiar with this term you may want to stop reading here. You may not be ready to comprehend such a possibility.
Do you believe we are alone in the Universe? Do you think we are the only intelligent species in the galaxy? Do you think it is possible that extraterrestrials have found their way to Earth? If you don’t then the rest of what I have to say here will sound like the ravings of crybaby lunatic. If you do though, then what do you think the chances are that extraterrestrial technology has found their way into human hands? The ‘Breakaway Civilization’ is based in part on this principle. Here’s another thing to consider that doesn’t even involve beings from other worlds. Where are our hyper-geniuses today? Where are our Nikola Teslas? The argument goes that the Breakaway Civilization has swallowed them up.
This is where I’m haunted; this is what makes the top of my head feel like its exploding. Have you heard of the missing Trillions? Over 21 Trillion dollars have disappeared. This is a number greater than the USA’s national debt. It’s gone. Where did it go? The experts that found the missing money estimate that the actual number of missing money is in excess of 50 Trillion dollars. They’ve made this assumption on the understanding that the 21 Trillion came from two relatively minor government agencies. We know that 21 Trillion is gone. This fiat currency, that is based on nothing real and can make and break lives, has gone missing. Where did it go? The only explanation that makes sense to me is that it disappeared into the Breakaway Civilization. A civilization that has access to such game changing technology and cosmology that it has broken away from our civilization. This is what haunts me. What if it’s true? What if the world in which we live in doesn’t have to be the way it is?
The debt that is now crushing the will to live out of me doesn’t need to be such an oppressive force. It’s possible that within human possession are vehicles that can in all actuality transport a person to other worlds, and perhaps even other galaxies. If you believe this is possible, as I do, then it only adds confusion and profound frustration to the deep sense of self-loathing that I persistently endure. The world doesn’t have to be this way.
Sure, we all know that the world could be a better place. We could have less murder. We could care more for our environment. We could have educational systems that trained students how to think rather than what to think. We all know these things, but that’s not what I’m talking about. The world could be a better place because it is possible that within human hands rests technology that can change the nature of this thing we call life.
How would your perspective change if you knew you could live 500 years while in the body of a 20 year old? How would your perspective change if you never had to pay for electricity again? How would your perspective change if you could travel to other worlds and commune with species far different from our own? Would you be worried about your debt then? This is where I’m torn. I’ve gone down the rabbit hole that is ripping my mind apart.
I was wrong before. Maybe I’m wrong about this. It doesn’t matter anyway. If the Breakaway Civilization exists it has made its decision to let the rest of us suffer and die while it continues to explore what we believe to be the impossible. Sure, it’s true, if the Breakaway Civilization were to intervene it would destroy everything. Our very system is based around the concepts of lack and control. Thus, our system would crumble if we are given access to the tools that facilitate true freedom and abundance.
It doesn’t matter. If they exist, they made their decision. They have deemed us unworthy of being unshackled from the system which enslaves us. It doesn’t matter. True or not, it doesn’t matter. They will not help me or any of us. So that just leaves me with just one thing to do. Continue hating myself for trying to improve myself the way I was guided to do. Life is too short for redemption from this. I did as I was guided to do; I put the shackles upon my ankles while convinced that such an act would make my dreams come true.
I was wrong. Maybe I’m wrong about everything.
What do you believe?