Nick Hans - My original song Days of Old - and what it means to be here...

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This is a song I wrote about a month before I left New Orleans. It's called "Days Of Old"...

Reason I'm posting this up is because yesterday marks my one year anniversary of living in Taos, NM. And this song really sums up how I was feeling right before I left New Orleans. Thinking a lot about what it means for so many folks (including myself) to get older, and become more stuck in their routines, trapped within their own issues and insecurities...

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I find this place to be so very cold
I'm going back to living in the days of old
Some build towers that fall to the sky
Some mix their tears with gravel and lye

What's the point of flying if your wings won't grow?
What's the point of rolling if your wheels won't roll?
What's the point of diamonds, rubies and gold?
I'm going back to living in the days of old...
Going back to living in the days of old.

I thought that this well would never run dry,
And the good times would leave lines of joy in my eyes...
But the laughter turned to silence as it sank into the walls
And the barroom drained empty and there's no one left at all

What's the point of flying if your wings won't grow?
What's the point of rolling if your wheels won't roll?
What's the point of diamonds, rubies and gold?
I'm going back to living in the days of old...
Going back to living in the days of old.

I saw you out drinking like a ghost from the past
You never died young, and you never lived fast
You can see them staring at you from the corners of their eyes
And it makes you feel young, and it makes you feel alive.

What's the point of flying if your wings won't grow?
What's the point of rolling if your wheels won't roll?
What's the point of diamonds, rubies and gold?
I'm going back to living in the days of old...
Going back to living in the days of old.

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Moving here I thought I was escaping that kind of shit for myself and I guess in many ways I have. But I've lost so much as well... my time here in Taos has been pretty bittersweet. I love the property I'm on, working with nature, the time I spent working on the Pueblo, and a few people close to me. I really miss my old life and also I just don't. If I went back I would miss it here so bad. Can't have it all!

I know that if I didn't have access to these wonderful things and I wasn't around the people I am around, I may have called it quits trying to live out here in this high lonesome desert. I mean I'm a river rat after all. I grew up in big muddy water and massive thunderstorms, literally swinging on vines, jumping in blue holes, and crawling through caves in southern Appalachia. I'm not very similar to most folks out here in terms of my perspectives and cultural background, and because of that (among other things) I do feel quite isolated in an already isolating town. Honestly having this platform is a nice way for me to at least express myself to the world in a meaningful way, where it doesn't just sink into the dust of this little desert town.

However, like I mentioned, I have a lot to be grateful for and many reasons to stay. So, I'm planning to keep pushing forward for at least for another year and a half. Partly because I want to be reliable to the people around me, but also just to see this farm all the way through it's natural course to success or failure, and to see how I grow as a person because of it. A lot can happen in a year and a half! Stay on this journey with me and we'll see how it all goes down.

I'm not afraid of failure and I try not to look towards success with a sense of envy.

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When I was a kid, my stepdad always kept a copy of the Tao Te Ching around. I still have his old copy. I have found a lot of meaning and understanding in chapter #33:

Knowing others is intelligence;
knowing yourself is true wisdom.
Mastering others is strength;
mastering yourself is true power.

If you realize that you have enough,
you are truly rich.
If you stay in the center
and embrace death with your whole heart,
you will endure forever.

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That passage just really speaks to me. Stay in the center and embrace death with your whole heart. To me that means understanding that life is going to move you on a path that you may or may not be able to control, but if you manage to relinquish your control and fear but also stay grounded while adapting to that change, you can navigate this path with ease. You can transcend the trivial bullshit and simply learn to grow through what is presented to you.

Interesting as well to see how parts of the song I wrote started cycling back again and I feel like I can connect emotionally with sections of the lyrics that pertain to my current situation.

This place is very slow paced according to most - and I can agree with that sentiment. My days are full of hard work and blend together into one long day and I'm wondering what it's gonna be like when I "wake up" or something shifts and changes. Who knows that the future holds.

Anyway. Hope y'all enjoy the song. Thanks for listening, and if you like this post, please upvote, resteem, or leave me a comment below.

-Nick

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