Is travel the new packAGE?

“I love packing”. Said no one ever! And to those who revel in this laborious task – I don’t understand it, but I do admire your total commitment… There are endless tutorials and bullet point manuals on how to pack…??? So here is my story.

It started out as a piquant plan, and how it became completely unstitched (even more wrong than my final mathematics exam 23 years ago), I will never know. I booked a trip to Malaysia in December to celebrate my 40th birthday, all by myself – and it was going to be EPIC. Such grandiose plans. All the excitement was snuffed somewhat, when I stood in front of my 3 piece luggage set – I mean how difficult can it be to pack for a week – and the fact that my destination was hot enough to sterilise medical equipment, was a bonus! I could pack lightly – breezy little dresses and shorts and I could – according to the packing manual – pack for an entire week in a carry on. Great! The minutiae details sorted and ticked.

As the departure date arrived, I decided last minute to take a bigger suitcase, because I need shoes to go with every outfit and perhaps a little cardigan and oh, let’s just throw in a pair of jeans and an extra swimming costume – because like my friend Steven says “it’s better to have it and not need it, than to need and not have it”… I was all packed the night before and quite confident that I had nailed it. This packing thing.

WHAT A GARGANTUAN FAIL.

Ok, I am the first to admit that I am NOT a pundit packer… and it is a two-fold concept. Yes I packed my suitcase with scientific precision, an engineering marvel – the ‘what did I PACK into my suitcase?’ was the currency which exponentially lowered my resale value in Malaysia… and I pause here to give myself a lingering moue.

I boarded the aircraft in a black tights and coral Adidas t-shirt. Hair all shiny and make-up fresh-ish. I had a peak cap in the backpack just in case and little comfy shoes. It was okay – the outfit – up until I got to the hotel the next day, (an hour late for the welcome dinner)… I had grand visions of freshening up after my 25 hour flight and descend the winding staircase in my dinner finery (the little black dress which never left my suitcase) and I sat down to the most exquisite dinner, with 31 fellow trippers, in my 25 hour old outfit, grimy hair, NO lipstick, and in my tights, I felt trussed like a chicken!

Day 2 – I wore a light little FLORAL pants, with a cream vest (in my mind it seemed cute when I purchased it). A pants which I hemmed a few nights before – with sewing glue – Lawd… that is a story for another day! I also had to take a pashmina, to cover up before entering the Batu caves and temple… when I laid eyes on the 271 steps I had to climb to get to the temple, I was already burning from the inside out! My floral pants argh! I don’t even have words… a pashmina – in 36 degree weather – and my shoes… Turns out I had only brought ONE pair of sandals and heels I never wore OH and the disposable towelling slippers compliments of the hotel. TG.

Day 3 – okay this was not a complete fail. I wore a beautiful little mint angel skater dress with the SAME sandals so it made me feel better. I have nothing more to contribute here.

Day 4 – a little navy shorts. The SAME sandals and a pretty little sheer peasant shirt. Fitting for a walk about the bird park and the out-doorsie activities of the day. Look. I am not a travel polyglot, not yet at least, and I blame the fact that I was the only English speaking one in the group – and the tour guide perhaps forgot to mention that our farewell dinner was going to be a fancy live show event. Everyone else in our group came dressed in their beautifully embellished dinner attire. I came in the same darn navy blue shorts… and the SAME sandals.

The balance of the vacation I decided ‘to hell with it’ and just wore the terrible vacation outfits I had packed for myself… AND THE SAME SANDALS … looking at the pics now… I can’t help but wonder if someone had snuck into my suitcase before I left, and I don’t know, repacked…??? These days I just let the memory fade away like a vintage vignette.

Yes – clearly I was NOT STYLING in Malaysia and I vacillate between ‘YOU are an idiot Azele’ and ‘you ARE a f*cking idiot Azele’

So I guess those pundit packers are laughing and scoffing, at my expense. Bad packing… YES!!! AMAZING time in Malaysia… YES!!!

Perhaps 40 is the new travel packAGE…