Living our lives the way we want; what does that mean?

Many times we tell ourselves( and others) that we don't really have to listen to what people have to say about us, we just have to do what we want, and live our lives the way we want because it's all that matters. But I'm asking, is it so bad to listen? What if our behavior or attitude is hurting other people? How do we know if we don't listen? How do we know that we have lost ourselves in the process of listening to what people have to say about us? How do we know when people are just being sincere and helpful and when they're just being trolls?