a blog about routines.

man i had the most awesome sleeps, nearly ten hours, yep ten hours, i’ve not had ten hours in what seems like forever, i certainly needed it, admittedly i did the usual early morning toilet trip and straight back to bed for the last four hours but i was out, out for the count. a triple whammy of dreams that i don’t remember about but know they were vivid and i’m back at the machine this morning about to sink my first coffee of the day, go and do my pots, get back for a lovely egg sandwich and get into the day.

feeling pumped. needed the rest.

so, routine. my routine this week was thrown all over the place because of having to pick up and take my daughter to school on wed/thur — i’m usual locked in for the weekend and we keep to that routine because when we don’t well things can get weird and people feel outta sync, especially kids, even my daughter said ‘this is weird you taking me to school’ but it was all cool, as soon as she saw her friends she was back into school mode.

what i did not expect is how it effected me and how locked down into this weekly routine i had become, it was a quite the shock to feel like it was saturday afternoon on a thursday morning. back at the van just after 9am and really really tired from little sleep on the thursday night (i HAVE to sort this bed area out) i was in that kind of hazy head space between should i sleep or should i power through, it felt weird to go to bed at just after 9am on a thursday morning so i powered through. not smart.

i had the weirdest day, i didn’t want to speak to people, i couldn’t focus, i was worried that someone would miss the pickup later on in the day, i felt in limbo, like i’d not done my shift at a job and i had no idea how to get the momentum back in the day, i knew deep down i had to reset and allow the day to pass so i could come at it again today. get some good sleep and approach it from a positive mindset. which thankfully i am, however. ..

today is now friday and no matter how much i’m trying to shake the last few days today is normally the day i’m powering down right now, sorting out the water, emptying the cassette toilet, doing the pots, cleaning down the sides, making the place neat for bella for picking her up at 3pm today - obviously i won’t be picking her up today but my MIND is still locked into that mode and now i have more clarity of judgement i can calm myself down a little.

anxiety and stress are two areas in my life up until recently i’ve never really given much power, we all have them for sure, they build up and show themselves in many ways, when i have little money or can’t execute on something, when i wish things were a different way but can’t focus, when i commit to a schedule or a routine that goes slightly off. it happens, sometimes you can’t course correct, you have to allow it to wash over you.

sleep is a big one, you need to be rested. i found a few years back the majority of my stress and anxiety was purely down to coffee, i was drinking far too much coffee and having far too many ideas that i was not executing on, they were pipe dreams, nice to haves, something to say, grand visions of what could be. i’d get so far and then be onto the next thing, coffee has a way of creating this speedy like character that does a lot but ends up spinning wheels. i got pretty sick of the effect that coffee had on my but did not have the mental clarity to shop. i was LOCKED into routine.

i’d go automatically to the coffee shop, get breakfast, have tea, then a take away coffee, change my space, write, hack a way a bit at something then my body clock would be like ok, next place, move move move, i did feel fitter i have to say and as part of the project i was working on being around more people was helpful but it all become a blur. it lost it’s purpose and value, in the process i lost my own value in why i was there. i’m thankful that i’ve always been the kind of person to have another process running in the background that calls out the exit sign when outputs are not being made.

checking on messages this morning and not receiving any have put my mind as ease. i’m certain everything is fine, everyone has done their job while my daughters mum was away in europe for work and we are back on track, sure my weekend is a bit all over the place now but as long as i sit back and course correct then today could be a nice friday, it’s just turned lunchtime i’m gonna do the usual routine as normal but this time sit down knowing i have a complete set of blocks of time to sprint through until i sleep tonight, no driving anywhere, no food planning. sweet.

i guess i wanted to post this to sound it out for people that are either struggling with finding karma in their routines, fed up with their routines, feel like everyday is groundhog day, not happy, not fulfilled, having trouble course correcting etc, i’d love to hear from you how you go about doing that hard reset and allow yourself to come back up for air with a fresh outlook.

most of all i want to wish you all a very nice end of the week, if your going into a weekend routine then enjoy, mix it up, change it around and if your out to escape it all consider what sunday might bring, maybe you can change you routine around this coming week to maybe get you back on track, do some thinking about that course correction, eat well, drink water, cut out the foods and drinks that speed you passed making those little adjustments.

ok, my little soft fork of my own and course correction done it’s time to crush a coffee and get these pots done. notice i’m having the coffee AFTER writing this out because i wanted to hear the insides of the workings of my brain before speedy speedy brain decided to write what IT wanted too! :)

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