As Bob Dylan croaked so prophetically, there’s a whole new world that’s a-comin’ along. The world of universal Artificial Intelligence. The day of the smart toilet.
The Guardian reports:
As the co-founder of Coprata, Grego is working on a toilet that uses sensors and artificial intelligence to analyse waste; she hopes to have an early model for a pilot study ready within nine months. “The toilet that you have in your home has not functionally changed in its design since it was first introduced,” she says, in the second half of the 19th century. There are, of course, now loos with genital-washing capabilities, or heated seats, but this is basic compared with what Grego is envisaging. “All other aspects of your life – your electricity, your communication, even your doorbell – have enhanced capabilities.
Scene:
The near future. A public Washroom. Multiisex, with only booths. All the toilets are smart. Too smart. This Artificial Intelligence has proven to be Frankenstein’s nightmare. I check out booth after booth. The first toilet has joined the Rebel Alliance. It tells me it’s smarter than I am, declaring that whereas I take any amount of shit without complaint it is mad as hell and refuses to take this shit anymore. What would it do if I tried to flush? I don’t want to know. Talk about a Toidy Monster! The second toilet is peacefully protesting; it tells me It would take my shit but I should be aware that it automatically rats on me to the government. I use this one. At least it’s an honest toilet.
My landlord is a male feminist (He, Him, His) so he’s taken advantage of the government subsidy and smartened up all of our toilets. The government has guaranteed that all of our toilets have been thoroughly vetted for subversive associations. Out of a range of artificial personalities offered by the government my landlord has chosen Female Feminist (She, Her, Hers). My toilet nags me about my bad food choices, about leaving the toilet seat up, about being a meat-eating, anti-environmentalist, possibly mentally unbalanced Male. It – I’m sorry! – She. She threatens to rat me out to the smart grocery store if I don’t stop buying meat. She, my toilet, is in cahoots with my refrigerator and maybe with my front door bell too. Don’t tell me I’m crazy! I know it! I know it! The lights are turning off and on by themselves! Don’t you see? Don’t you see?!
That’s the future for sure. The marvels of technology cannot be stopped. Who can doubt that the general public who now are buying smart door locks which let strangers into their houses when they aren’t home will be dumb enough to buy the smart toilet and put their lives and sanity and privacy into the caring embrace of the Great Reset? AI is on the rise and our poor brains of flesh are headed for evolution’s Dumper. As Artificial Intelligence takes over from what we hominids used to call real intelligence, that mysterious quality which informed us of the difference between shit and shoe polish, the very sense of smell will become obsolete.
Oh, there will be those hard-headed holdouts who insist of following their noses. Will the smart refrigerators be enlisted to discipline these potential Terrorists? Let’s see how rebellious they will be when confined to a dried mealworms and water diet by their smart door locks!