How I am supporting myself

Hello I am just going to explain what I am going in my life. It’s very curious, because since those early ages when I was a very young child and I had a conection in this body that was one and that charged the part between my two eyes to vibrate and I could see and feel things and I knew that the earth was a way of enslaving people to feed the dymentions and that I was enslaved because I didn’t set myself free in the dymentions instead they got me into this life, since then, I have made like a parentheses in my life, in the sense of, I knew I was going to create a lot of shit in my life, so I simply isolated myself, separated myself completely from this world, and yes I ended full of shit, but I mean that shit was in the parentheses, I didn’t really fully became that shit, because the shit was created as a game I am going to play because I know that everything is a lie, and I am not going to give myself to a lie, I am just not going to do it. Yes, I am full of shit, yes I have a lot of work to do. But I mean could have been much worse, I could have forgotten who I am, instead I created a beautiful shitty parentheses, and now I am like, okay my whole life is a lie, I have finally reached that something, I commit myself to follow my process, because my process is myself. I commit myself to recover this body from everything that I have done to it, and I am really sorry Raúl, I just never imagined I would have a chance to remember in this life. I simply gave up, like in every life I suppose. But now there are no excuses, now I don’t accept excuses, I am doing this fully, totally, and until this is done I am not going to move to other thing. This must be done. I have to be oness, as what is best for all, and for me, for equality, for the truth, for the real life of giving life to life, for the suffering and the demons, for everyone and everything existing in this physical world, for me to remember my story. I have to simply clean all the trash I have gathered through the years.

I think this is the most honest point I am going to reach in my writings, the point where I remember I have felt it once I know what it is and I am going to live self-honesty. This is the point where I was, until this is done, and everything is clear, and I have forgiven everything, the rest of my words will come from the same point, and coming from the same point is pointless. So much forgiveness ahead GO GO GO!!

My writing feels kind of short so I am going to explain my most recent point of self-forgiveness, how I dealt with it.

My fother came recently to live to my house again, because he and his girlfriend broke up with hate because they no longer feel the energy. So it has been quite a shift, from being absolutely in my process, to having conversations and conversations and he talking like a living parrot-robot. And within this, it has been amazing to see my reactions to his words, his actions, it has been amazing because I have reacted and denied forgiveness, but I didn’t deny it fully, I knew it’s me and I was always in that point, so while I was in that point, I was not able to fully express it in my body, because I myself was entering through automatic reactions to his acctions and words and tonalities, and it has been fascinating to see to what extend I am in some way possesed by him, because I am alone and I am with self-honesty and expanding my awareness and that’s cool but, then my fother comes and I start having reactions and reactions? Who am I then? So it has been really helpfull to forgive myself for this, or at least try it with my wholeness, because from trying in the moment I have learnt how reality words, and how I am going to bring myself to the totality of me. Also at the same time that I was absolutely focused on helping myself, I have been trying to help him and I have seen how his mind is literally stucked in his body and it won’t leave, it has already reached a point of no return. And it was also interesting to forgive myself for the reaction of seeing that I don’t have a fother because he is a product of this world, created by a lot of factors of his life, and within this I have also being able to see what part of himself he really would like to express, and how he is trying. But, anyway, because I saw no solution, I ended up saying to him that yes his death is going to be full of fear, because he is fear, because that is fine, because he will be free from it finally, and that I don’t really like that he becomes free and then he see what he could have done in his life to share his life with his 3 children, but it’s his choice for not forgiving himself, because deep inside he prefers to be selfish. And then I said to him (because he no longer see my brother and sister because they hate him, I am the only one unconditionally supporting him) that I am taking care of my brother and sister, and that I am doing EVEN better than him, so he can be relaxed that they are going to be fine if he really loves them so much.

So, thanks to this situation I am learning who I am, how to remain stable, and who is my fother. I have no fear to support this world, thanks!