How to tell you that I love you?

How to tell you that I love you?

I am between four walls, I always thought that my room was bigger until today ... I feel that I am in the middle of a huge cube and that at any moment the floors will break and I will fall to a bottomless precipice, without exit, without air…

I would like to go ahead or at least look at the outside of my room through the small window at the back, but just thinking that someone can see me and that they could make fun of me, my pain, my suffering, I could not stand, I do not want anyone to see me lying on the ground, for fear that they will see me weak, like a stupid girl who cries for her wrist ... I pick up the phone and read the message for the ninth time.

-Samantha, I know that these nine years for you were in vain, but I assure you that for me it was the best thing that could have happened to me in all my existence, maybe at this moment I am the most idiotic man of your life and I know that you owe me to be hating, I still want you to know that never, but I will never forget you ... I want you to be happy, I love you Dylan.

I break into tears again dropping my phone on the cold carpet where I am lying, I want to die, I want to leave this life, but I know that even for that I am a coward. I hear someone coming into my room, I hope it's him, so I say his name in whispers

Dylan
But no, the one who enters my room is Christopher, my best friend with his smile off and I can only get up and throw myself into his arms to cry. Christopher, who has been my partner, my friend and now as a brother, had to be the perfect person to enter right now where I need someone the most.

Chris, what are you doing here?

I wanted to see you, how are you?

Same as days ago ... I still can not understand how Dylan plans to throw away 9 years of courtship, just for the stupidity that he leaves the country, just for the stupidity of not trusting me, as if I had failed him, nine Chris years, are nine years that I have suffered, respected, loved and wanted without any condition.

I cry again and Christopher takes me to his chest, I do not want to cry anymore, but it's impossible. I want to see Dylan and ask him for an explanation, a great explanation.

.................................................. .................................................. .........

Here it is in my chest, I stroke her hair, and I comfort her as a friend ... as the damn friend who always comforts her but who is in love with her, I would like so much that those tears are happiness for me, for her, for the Two, a thousand times I curse the love that Samantha feels for Dylan, a thousand times I curse I was not nine years ago in her life, maybe if I had been that imbecile who tripped her at the stop where she and Dylan met maybe, just maybe She would have noticed me ...

Christopher, please help me talk to Daniel I ask you, I beg of you! - He says with swollen eyes.

And girlie, you better not see it again, better go out for a while, have fun with your friends, what do you think if we go to the movies?

Do not! Not to think about it, I would like to die.

I remain silent, admiring his rare beauty, his beautiful face, his dazzling brown eyes. Although her eyes are swollen from crying, even so, I do not care, I do not mind seeing her disheveled and wearing her pajamas one Thursday at three o'clock in the afternoon, but she is still beautiful.

While I caress him, I bite my lips and I feel an eager desire to hit her hard, although I would never raise a woman's hand, until she forgets that imbecile, in order to kiss her so passionately that it makes her forget everything, but not ... I'm not capable, I can not risk losing it. I am afraid, I am afraid that she will stop talking to me and something like that I am not willing to risk. Just thinking about it makes me very bad, so no, I could not live without talking to her, to such a beautiful woman that today she only sees me as her friend, as a simple friend, as her damn friend.

I want to repress these crazy ideas in my head, because I know that one day, she will look me in the eyes, she will tell me that she loves me, and there, only there, I will know that I have won her love.