Life is full of twists

Love it takes patience ... Until where do we have to be patient waiting for our love ??? That day, I was with him committed to keeping our love .. I became the happiest woman ... .. Our marriage is simple but festive ... .. He became a very romantic man at that time. I am grateful to marry a man who is pious, smart, handsome and well established too. When we were dating he was already successful in his career. We will be honeymooning in holy land, that is our promise when we dating first .. and after marriage, I invited him to umroh to holy land .... I am very happy with him, and he also very pamper me ... very visible from the love and affection to me, Many people say we are a matching couple. Highly visible at all how my husband spoiled me. And I'm happy to marry him.

Five years have passed we became husband and wife, very not felt the time is so fast even though we only live alone, because until now I have not been able to give it a little angel (baby) in the middle of harmony of our household. Because he's the only boy in his family, so I have to try to get his successor generations. Alhamdulillah at that time my husband supported me ... He reckons God has not trusted us to keep his deposit. But his family was getting restless. From the beginning we were married, his mother & sister did not like me. I often get unpleasant treatment from them, but I always try to cover it from my husband ... In front of my husband they apply very well to me, but behind my husband, I was humiliated by them ... Once a year of our marriage age, my husband had an accident, his car was destroyed. Alhamdulillah my husband survived death that almost made me become a widow. He was hospitalized when he was unconscious after an accident. I always accompany him day and night while reciting holy verses of the Qur'an. I was busy back and forth from the hospital and from where I was doing my social activities, I was busy taking care of my husband who was sick with an accident. But the moment I returned to the hospital after my home, I saw her mother, her sisters and my husband's friends in the room, and at that moment I noticed a very familiar woman chatting with my mother-in-law. They laughed entertaining my husband. Alhamdulillah my husband was already aware, I cried when I saw my husband was aware, but I should not be sad in front of him. I opened the tightly closed door saying, "Assalammu'alaikum" and they answered my greeting. I stayed for a while at the door and they all saw me. My husband looked at me full of spoiled, maybe he miss me because it's 5 days his eyes are always closed. Waved his hand, signaling me to hold his hand tightly. After I approached him, I kissed his hand saying "Assalammu'alaikum", he also answered my greeting with his voice that was soft but full of love. I smile to see his face. Then .. Her mother talked to me ... "Fis, introduce this Desi friend Fikri". I remembered the story from my husband that his best friend had loved her, the woman was named Desi and she was very familiar with my husband's family. Until finally I met the man too. I immediately shook hands with him, not much I talked in the room, I do not understand what they are talking about. I was busy cleaning and healing the wounds on my husband's head, just a moment I cleaned his face, suddenly my sister-in-law named Dian took me out, he asked to be accompanied to the cafeteria. And my husband allowed it. Then I accompanied him. But when outside my sister-in-law said, "you better go home, there we keep brother here. You just take a break. "Strangely, I was not allowed to say goodbye to my husband on the grounds that the brother had to rest a lot and because his psychology was still unstable. I argued with her questioning why I was not allowed to say good-bye to my husband. But suddenly my mother-in-law came to me and she said the same thing. Later he would give my husband a reason why I did not say goodbye to him, anyway my husband always according to what his mother said, whether his mother is wrong or not, my husband still justify it. Finally I left the hospital with tears. From then on I was never allowed to visit my husband until he returned from the hospital. And I can only cry in solitude. Crying why they hate me so much.
That day .. I cried without cause, which is in my mind I'm afraid to lose it, I'm afraid his love is shared with others. That morning, when I cleaned our yard, my husband called me into the back garden, he had just finished breakfast, he took me to sit on our favorite swing while watching the fish scattered in the fountain pool. "Tomorrow I will visit my family in Sabang", I replied, "He is dear .. I know, I've packed your stuff in travel bag and you already have tickets is not it? "," Yes but I will not be there long, just 3 weeks I was there, I also have not met with my big family since we were married and I will go home with my mother ", he replied firmly. "Why just now talk, I thought just a week you're there?", I asked back to him full of curiosity and a little disappointed because he just told me the plan kepulanggannya it, and I had bothered to find plane tickets for him. "Mother ask me to accompany him when I come home later", he replied firmly. "Now I want to spend the day with you because we will not meet 3 weeks later, right?", He continued again as he hugged me and kissed my forehead. My heart saddened with his decision, but I can not show it to him. I am happy to be pampered with a husband who is full of affection and love even though sometimes he is being unfair to me. I can only smile, but I want to be with my husband, but because his family does not like me just because they are jealous of me, because my husband is very dear to me. Then I decided to let him go and we also had to save on spending our household budget. Because this is a sacred event for his family, so his whole family must be complete. Even so, I still will not be cared for by the family must come or not. Not being present makes them very happy and I do not want to make this family noisy. The night before his departure, I cried as he cleared the necessities he would bring to Sabang, he looked at me and wiped the tears that fell on my cheek, then I hugged him tightly. This heart murmured not to let him go as if something happened, but I do not know what will happen. I can only cry because it will be left by him. I have not been left behind all this time, because we are always together wherever he goes. Is it possible that I am sad because I am alone and do not have friends, because usually only the maid is my friend talking to me. This heart is sad to be away live by it. Until the next day, I kept crying .. crying for his departure. I do not know why it's so sad, I feel bad, but I can not go wrong. I have to trust my husband. He will always call me.

Being away from my husband, I feel so uncomfortable, I feel alone. Luckily I had a busy life as an activist, so I was not too lonely to be left to go to Sabang. When we relate long distances, our communications get worse and I get sick. My uterus feels very painful like being wrapped in a rope. I can not bear the pain of this, so that I get bleeding. I was rushed to the hospital by my younger brother who happened to accompany me there. Doctor sentenced me to cervical cancer stage 3 I cry .. what can I proud again .. My in-laws will be more insulting, my poor husband who always hopes will have a descendant from my womb .. but I can not give her offspring. And then I can only hug my sister. I miss my husband, I always wait for him to come home and wonder, "when will he go home?" I do not know .. While my husband is there, I do not know why he always get angry when calling me. How will I tell my condition if he is always angry with me .. Better I cover first about this and I also do not want to worry him while he was in Sabang. Better later when he got back from Sabang, I'll tell him. Every day I wait for my husband to go home, day by day I count ... It's 3 weeks my husband in Sabang, that night while I was looking at our pictures, my phone rang marked there is an incoming sms. I opened my mobile inbox, it turns out that sms from my husband. He wrote, "I've bought a ticket to go home, I'll be home in a day, I'll have another newspaper". That's all that diinfokannya. I want to get angry, but I'm dying for this bad ego. The day I was waiting for arrived, I waited at home. As a wife, I was dressed beautifully and wearing her favorite perfume to welcome my husband home, and later I will also solve our poor communication problem lately. The bell rang, I opened the door for her and she said hello. Before I went in, I held her hand to the terrace but she stood still, I bent to take off my shoes, socks and wash her legs, I did not want any syaithan into our house. After that I stood directly kissing his hand but what his reaction .. Masya Allah .. he did not kiss my forehead, he just silent and straight up the room above, then shower and sleep without asking me kabarku .. I just think, maybe he's tired. I immediately tidy up the luggage untill I fell asleep. Night shows 1/3 night, reminds me of the place of complain that is God, the Creator. Usually we always congregate, but because seeing her sleep very soundly, I did not have the heart to wake him. I just stroked his face and I kissed his forehead, then I prayed tahajud 8 rakaat plus witr 3 raka 'at.

I heard the sound of his car, I woke up and I saw him from the balcony of our room getting ready to leave. Then I called him but he did not hear. Then I took my head scarf and I ran from top to bottom regardless of the blood that spilled from my womb to chase after her but she was so quick to leave. I felt something strange with my husband. What's wrong with my husband? Why is he behaving unusually with me? I can not just sit there, my gut tells me there's something. Right then I immediately called my in-laws home and happened to Dian who picked up his phone, I told him and I asked what was going on with my husband. He lightly replied, "You think it yourself!". Phone was immediately disconnected. What is this? Ask my heart full of anxiety. Why does my husband changed after he returned from his hometown. Why he would not talk to me, let alone spoil me. More and more he became a quiet person, as if he had let go of his responsibilities as a husband. We just talk as necessary, I always mengintrogasinya. Always ask me where to go and why come back late and he asked in a loud voice. My husband has changed .. Even what shocked me, I once accused of adultery with my ex boyfriend. I wanted to slap my husband who had accused me that low, but I always remember .. as well as the fault of a husband, the status of husbands remains above wives, that's the guidance I hold. I just prayed that my husband would be aware of his behavior.

Two years passed, my husband has not changed as well. I cried every night, tired of waiting like this, we were like strangers who had just met. The intimacy we created first has vanished. Even though the conditions remain that way, I keep taking care of her & shouting for everything she needs. Disease I still keep well and even though he never asked about what drugs I drink. My happiness has vanished, the hope of being a mother has also been buried. I do not know when this will end. Be grateful .. I have my own income from my activities as a teacher of the Ngaji, so I do not need to ask for money just for the treatment of my cancer. I was just treating as best I could. Really .. the husband I used to worship and I'm proud of, has now become a stranger to me, every time I ask he always tells me to think for myself. Suddenly that night after dinner was over, my husband called me. "Yes, what is Yah!" I replied by calling his favorite name "Daddy". "The day after we get ready to Sabang yes." He replied firmly "What's up? Why? ", I replied full of astonishment. Astaghfirullah .. my husband who used to soft suddenly became rude, he yelled at me. So there is no further discussion between us. He said "You come along do not ask a lot!" Then I hastily packed up the things that will be brought to Sabang while crying, sad because my husband now I do not know anymore. Five years we got married and for 2 years he has become a stranger to me. I see our warm, loving room decorated with our wedding pictures, now it's cold .. very cold from the ice cube. I cried with this confusion. I wanted to scream, but I could not. My husband does not like rough women, speaks in high notes, likes to slam things. He said the deed showed a disrespectful attitude to him. I can only be patient waiting for him to speak and patiently cure my illness, in solitude.

We have arrived at Sabang, I still feel tired because all night I do not sleep because I keep thinking. His extended family has also gathered there, including his mother & younger siblings. I do not know what this event is .. My husband and I went into our room. My husband did not feel at home in the old room, he was immediately out to join his extended family. I just unpacked our suitcase and wanted to put it in the old closet near the door of the room, the old closet that had been there before my husband was born, suddenly Auntie Lia, the very good aunt to me called me to hurry to gather in the middle room, headed to the living room in the middle of the big house, which looks like a dwelling house of the Dutch relic. Then I sat beside my husband, and my husband looked down in silence, I did not dare ask him. Suddenly his grandmother, the one who was considered the oldest and most entitled to all, opened the conversation. "All right, because you've been together, grandma wants to talk to you Fisha". Her grandmother spoke very firmly, with a sharp look. "What is it?" Grandmother replied, "You have been joining our family for almost 8 years, until now we do not see any signs of perfect pregnancy because you've always been miscarried !!". I'm crying ..for is this where I'm invited here? To be insulted or separated from my husband? "Actually we've got a candidate for Fikri, from the first .. before you married him. But Fikri is a stubborn child, do not want to be organized, and finally marry him with you. "Her grandmother spoke very loudly, perhaps the Sabangese accent like that. I can only smile and see the face of my empty husband's eyes. "And I heard from your mother-in-law you have already met her", her grandmother still continued the conversation. While my husband just paused, but I see tears. I want to hug my husband to be strong with all this, but I do not have the courage. Her grandmother still spoke at length and the last of her words with a very challenging expression then said, "What do you want? you are combined or divorced? "MasyaAllah .. strengthen this heart .. I want to fall unconscious. This heart seemed crushed to hear that, my heart shattered. Why does his family behave like this to me ..I always cover this issue from my parents who live on wooden islands, they think I'm very happy 2 years ago. "Fish, answer!" Her mother sternly asked me to answer. I immediately grabbed my husband's hand. With a cold, shaky hand I answered firmly. Although I can not discuss with my imam first, but I can discuss with him through the soul. '' For the good and future of this family, I will welcome a new woman at our house .. "That's what I answer, in other words I am willing to love divided. And at that moment my husband looked at me with tears, but my tears did not trickle down in front of them. I then asked my husband, "Whose father will be my best friend in our house later, well?" My husband replied, "She Desi!" I immediately breathed and immediately spoke, "When did the marriage take place? What should I prepare in this marriage Nek ?. "My father-in-law replied," Her marriage is two weeks away. "" Well then I will call the maid at home, to have her take care of our KK to the village tomorrow ", after speaking like that I excuse myself to go to my room. Can not take it anymore .. these tears will come down, I walk very fast, I open the door of the room and I just sat on the bed. Want to scream, but I'm alone here. It's hard to accept this, my love has been divided. Sick. Accompanied my acute illness .. Is it because of this my husband has been a stranger for 2 years now? I walked to the dressing table, I opened my scarf, I looked in the mirror, wondering, "Is not this beautiful I am?" I take my comb, I comb my hair every day fall out. I saw my face, it turns out I was not pretty anymore, my hair is almost gone .. my head is bald in the middle. Suddenly the door of this room is open, it turns out my husband who came, he stands behind me. I did not wipe away this tear, I hastened to look at her from the dresser's mirror. We paused, then I began to talk, "thank you father, you give me a friend. So I do not have to be sad anymore when left you leave later! Yes, right? "My husband nodded while looking at my head but not one bit he smiled and asked why my hair fall out, he just said do not get me wrong using shampoo. In my heart asked, "why is he so ignorant?" And he has not spoiled me anymore. Then he said, "it's late, we break yuk!" "I prayed first then I slept", I replied calmly. In prayer and in sleep I cried. I count down time, when I'll share my husband with him. I was also busy taking care of my husband's marriage. I do not know if Desi Sabang people too. Never mind, this may be my fate. I want my husband back as before, which very spoiled me for his love and love it ..
The night before my husband's wedding day, I wrote my heart out on my laptop. On the laptop I wrote my last moments of seeing my husband, I was angry at my husband who had abandoned me. I cried to see my husband sleeping soundly, what is my fault? until he applies that cruelly to me. I save in mydocument with the title "I Love You Husband." The wedding day has arrived, I'm ready, but I can not afford to get out. I stood near the window, I saw the sun, because maybe I would not be able to see the light again. I stood so long .. then my husband who was ready with his wedding dress came in and talked to me. "Are you ready?" I wiped the tears dripping on my face and said: "Later if he has become your wife, when you bring him into this house, wash his feet as you wash my feet first, then when you enter into the bridal chamber reading do 'a on the top of his head as you did to me first. Then after that .. ", my words stopped because I could not continue the conversation, I want to cock explode. Suddenly my husband replied "Then what is Mother?" I was surprised to hear that word, which I was looking down at once I immediately looked at her with bright eyes ... "Can you repeat what you just said?", I implore that this ears not wrong to hear. He nodded and said, "Fine mother will repeat, then what is mother?", As he stroked his face and wiped my tears, he kinda bowed because he was so tall, I was just sober. He smiled and said, "We'll see ya!". She hugged me and said, "Mother is the most powerful woman that dad met other than mama" .. Then she kissed my forehead, I immediately hugged her tightly and said, "Daddy, will this be over soon? Dad anywhere? Why did Dad change? I miss my father? I miss my dad's caress? I miss my father's table? I'm lonely Daddy? And one more thing you have to know, that I never commit adultery! First .. when we start dating, I really can not forget it, after 4 months with my new father can I accept, if that is my face is the man I'm looking for. Not that I ever committed adultery. "I immediately knelt down at his feet and pawed my priest's foot as he said," I'm sorry Daddy, has made you hard ". Right then, he lifted my body .. he just cried. He hugged me very long, 2 years I waited him back. Suddenly my stomach hurts, he realizes that something is wrong with me and he asks, "Mother is fine right?" She asked with concern. I replied, "being able to hug and see you back like it used to make me good, Dad. I just can not talk now ". Because he's getting married. I do not want to worry him. He must khusyu undergo the ceremony procession ceremony.

After arriving in the mosque, ijab-qabul began. I sat across from my husband. I saw my husband sitting side by side with the woman, making this heart jealous, wanting to shout to say, "Daddy do not !!", but I remember my condition. The heart is pounding when hearing the qabul. As soon as the ijab-qabul finishes, I take a deep breath. Auntie Lia, the good aunt, hugged me .. In my heart I tried to strengthen this heart. Yes ... I'm strong. I could not bear to see them sitting side by side in uniform. The people present at the reception were pitying at me, they saw me with a very strange look, maybe see my smiling face, but behind it .. my heart is crying. Up at home, my husband went straight into the house just like that. Not washing his feet. I'm very surprised by his behavior. Is it, he does not like this marriage? Meanwhile Desi was warmly welcomed inside my husband's family, unlike me before, which was in the ranks. Tonight I can not sleep, how can that be? My husband will sleep with the woman I am so jealous of. I do not know what they are doing there. A third of the night when I wanted to pray I went out for ablution, then I saw a man who looked like my husband slept in the living room. I approached then I saw. Masya Allah .. my husband did not sleep with the woman, he was sleeping disofa, I sat disofa it while stroking his tired face, suddenly he held my left hand, of course I was shocked. "You come here, I know," he said like that. I smile and megajaknya pray lail. After the prayer lail he said, "I'm sorry, I can not hurt you, you suffer because of my ego. Tomorrow we go back to Jakarta, let Desi go home with mama, papa and also my younger siblings "I looked at him with amazement. But he immediately asked me to rest. While sleeping he hugged me very tightly. I smile, this has not happened for a long time. Oh God ... will you send the angel of death to take my life right now, because I have felt his presence right now. But .. can you still allow me to feel the warmth of my husband who has been missing for 2 years .. My husband whispered, "Mother really skinny?" I cry in silence. Hugs still I can feel. I said, "Dad why not sleep with Desi?" "I miss you Mother, I do not want to hurt you anymore. You have often been hurt by my selfish attitude. "Gently my husband answered like that. Then my husband said, "Bun, Dad apologize for abandoning mother .. As long as father in Sabang, dad heard that mother is not sincere love father, mother like chasing something, like chasing father's treasure and one more .. father ever see sms mother with ex mother's girlfriend where the contents if mother do not want to do "like that" and such writing is quoted ("like that"). Father wants to talk but is afraid mother offended and dad think if mother ever slept with her before mother met father, keep father scolded by father's family because father too spoil mother .. "This heart hurts when slandered by my husband, when there is no trust in him, only because of his family talk that never saw how sincere I love my lifelong partner this. I just replied, "I told you it was Well .. I never commit adultery and I love you sincerely my heart, if I just chase your treasure, why do I choose you? Though many men are more established than you were then Well .. If I just chase your treasure, I could not cry every day because suffering love you .. "Either I should be happy or I should be sad because my friend alone in the bride's room. That night, I solved my problem with my husband and tried to forgive him and his family's attitude as well. Because I do not want to die in a heart filled with hatred.
The next day ... When I want to wake up to take ablution, my head is dizzy, my womb is very sick .. I was bleeding and my husband was shocked, he just picked me up. I was rushed to the hospital .. From a distance I heard the sound of my husband's dhikr .. I feel my hands wet .. When I open this eye, I see my husband's face full of a sense of apprehension. He clasped my hand tightly .. And said, "Mother, Father apologize ..." Many times he said it. In my heart, does he know what happened to me? I said in a low voice, "Well, mother wants to go home .. mother wants to meet both parents mother, mother anterin there ya, Yah .." "Dad do not change anymore yes! Promise ya, well ... !!! Mother really love my father. "Suddenly my leg hurt very sick, the pain is getting up, my legs can not move anymore .. I can not hold my husband's hand anymore. I saw his handsome face, tears in his eyes. Before this eye is closed, I will confuse the sentence of the shahadah and conclude with tahlil. I am happy to see my husband has a substitute myself .. I am happy always serve him in joy and sorrow .. Accompany him in when he had trouble from us dating until we got married. I'm happy to marry him. He is my breath. To my mother-in-law: "Forgive me for being present in your child's life until I live in your child's heart. Know Ma ... I always used to pray for Mama to bless our relationship. Why do you slander me in front of my husband, do you have proof of Ma? Why are you so jealous of me Ma? Fikri remains yours Ma, I never told him to be disobedient to you, I always always understand what you want from your child, but why do you hate myself .. With Desi you are very good but with me you menand you behave the opposite .. "
Once I open the laptop, I read my wife rants.

=================================================== === Dad, why does your family hate me so much? I was insulted by them father .. Why they can be nice to me when you are there? Once when I met Dian on the street, I rebuked him for being my brother-in-law but I was greeted with his displeased face. Very visible Dad .. But when you are with me, Dian is very good, very sweet and he called me with a call that is very respect for me. Why is it like that, father ? I can not talk to you about this, because I know you must defend your sister, it's no good Yah .. I was kicked out of the hospital. I can not take care of my husband. I'm jealous of Desi who is very familiar with my in-laws. Every day he came to the hospital with my in-laws. I am very angry .. If I talked about this to my husband, he will surely defend Desi and his mother .. I do not want to hurt anymore .. Oh God strengthen me, forgive me .. You are just fair .. Give this justice to me, Yes God .. Dad has changed, dad no longer love me .. I try to independently father, I will not spoil you anymore .. I am strong dad in this pain .. Look at my dad, I am strong even though this cancer continues attack me .. I can do this all my own father .. Tomorrow my husband will marry the woman. The woman I hate, the one I'm jealous of, but I can not be selfish, it's for the happiness of my husband's family. I must be self conscious. Dad, actually I do not want to be told by you .. Why should Desi become my best friend? Dad .. I still not willing .. But I must sincerely accept it. The next morning my husband marries his second marriage. Hopefully I still have time to see it smile for me. I longed to feel his last affection. Before this death picked me up. '' Dad .. I miss you Dad .. '' ====================================== ===============

'' And now I have brought you to your parents, Mother .. I will visit you once a month with Desi on this Wooden Island. I will always bring you pink roses that reflect the joy of your pained heart. '' Mother remains beautiful, always smiling while sleeping .. Mother will always live in the father's father .. Mother .. Desi not like you, who never angry .. Desi is very different from you, he never clean my ears, my hair was never in creambathnya, my feet were never washed. I'm sorry to have abandoned you for 2 years, you're sick I do not care, live in solitude .. If you do not abandon Mother, maybe Daddy can still sleep with the caress of Mother's delicate hand .. Now Dad realize, that father desperately need mother .. Mama .. you are the strongest woman I have ever met .. I regret to have cool in my ego .. Mother .. forgive me .. Mother sleep stay sweet. Your little smile is seen in your long sleep. '' I'm sorry, can not be fair and happy, I always say what my mom says, because I'm afraid of being a disobedient child. Forgive me when you're slandered by my family, I just believe it. Is Mother going to get a father's replacement in heaven Do you keep waiting for Daddy there? Stay loyal in there? Wait for Daddy there Mother .. Can you? Like Mother waiting father here .. I beg .. '' Daddy dear Mother .... ''