The Journal, A Memoir, Pt 1 contd.

 May 22nd

The camera lens sharpens, focuses, and begins recording the motion of the eye. I can see into the darkness. My arms and legs are strapped to a chair. I sit stiffly. The camera’s eye buzzes, zooming in and out. Blinking its little green light recording my motions.

Doc walks in flipping on the light. “Let’s hurry with this. I’m on a tight schedule. I don’t have all day to ditty dawdle.” He flutters his arms about. “My flight leaves for Germany at seven o-clock and I need to pack my suitcase, cover my furniture with cloth, and get rid of the cats.” He rubs his chin with a knuckle and looks up towards the gray ceiling. “I don’t know what to do with the cats. My sister is allergic and will not take them.” He looks at me. “I got carpenters coming in tomorrow to redo my bathroom.” He opens his arms wide. “All new tile!”

I feel a sharp prick in my arm. The nurse, looking like an Egyptian Goddess, squeezes the plunger. Gold fluids pulse into my vein and she pulls the needle out. “This won’t hurt a bit,” she promises with a slight hiss in her English. It’s adorable. I want her. I want to taste her. I am helpless, and growing limp, tied to a chair.

She unbuttons my pants, pulling them to my ankles.

“What is going on?” I manage to mumble. Drool runs down my chin. The room opens up expanding as if it were a balloon. Doc reaches for the lamp and swings it around, beaming it over my head and taking a seat on the swivel chair between my spread naked legs. The rest of the room grows dark. He stares at my crotch.

“Knife!” shouts Doc. “Knife! Now!” he opens a palm upward. I feel dizzy, but very aware. The nurse in her shrouds hands him a large kitchen knife. She wears silk white pristine gloves, fishnet leggings and a short, tight skirt. A beam of light glistens off the steel of the blade. I begin to sweat.

“Ok,” says Doc spreading my legs wider. “When a God chooses to speak to you, it will be like someone turning on the light switch in a very dark room. Suddenly you will be aware of many things present in this room. There will be many details and clarifications that you never noticed before.”

There is a slight pressure to my inner thigh. “Oh! Would you look at that?" says Doc pulling his mask down around his neck. The nurse giggles.

Suddenly, with a tug from my leg there is a horrifying ripping sound. The shredding of flesh as if it were cardboard. Red sprinkles across Doc’s face.

“The cool thing is kid.” He pulls again and more blood splatters against his white uniform. “The trick is to listen.” More pressure follows on my other leg as he concentrates. He looks up to see if I’m paying attention.

I am not.

He slaps me with the hand not holding the knife. My head bounces back and springs forward on my rubber band neck. More drool emits.

He grabs me by the hair, lifting my head and tilting the light into my eyes. “Hey kid! Are you all right in there? You listening to me kid-do? Hey! Hello, I’m trying to tell you something here.” He gives me a light slap to the face. “You can’t even stay conscious with me? I’m insulted. I’m sure you got better things to do too. I know I do. So, why am I wasting my time?” He slaps the cute nurse on the ass. She giggles: smiling red lips, blinking green eyes, fluttering big eyelashes.

“Hey Kid, you leave this one to me.” He puts an arm around her waist. “Keep your hands off her and don’t get any ideas. Ok?”

I smile, warm blood drools down my chin.

He points the light back at me. “Really kid, you ought to take better care of yourself.” The beautiful nurse wipes my chin and the Doc disappears again chopping at my inner left thigh. There is quick sound of a ripping flesh. He reappears popping to his feet wearing a wide shiny grin across his weather old face.

“Excellent!” he shouts throwing an arm around the nurse’s shoulder. “That came off much easier then I expected.” A large piece of my skin dangles in his hand. “I should be able to clean my apartment, water my plants, pack my bags and still figure out what to do with the damn cats before I have to be at the airport.” He is very happy and walks over to the sink to rinse off the knife.

There is a bowl of water on the counter. Doc places the thin slices of my flesh in the clear glass bowl like filleted fish. He points the knife at me. “The most crucial issue kid, is to self evolve. You must rise above and beyond this fear based illusion.” He spreads his arms wide and over his head. “I mean, I see what we’re working with here, and it’s not the best of conditions, but this nurse, oh la la. That's nice kid," he said with a wink. "So, I see we are making some progress. This is good.” He pulls the knife back to look at it in the light and to make sure it is clean. The nurse comes over and wraps herself around him. She pulls the doctor’s mask down and slides her tongue in his mouth.

“The cosmic children of good are evil. They will steal from you because you let them. They manipulate your free will with simple implications and jesters that most are not aware of. It is a process of conditioning easily accomplished. Humans give away their power and abilities freely. No one pays any attention anymore. They care only for immediate results and rewards,” Doc lectures. “The cookie jar is no longer full. There are too many damn fingers picking at the crumbs!”

I try to smile. More blood trickles out, down my lip, and pools beneath me on the cream stone floor.

“Let me get that for you sir,” says the nurse leaning forward. I stare at her cleavage and drool some more.