My Personal Thoughts on "Geostorm"

The disaster movie genre was all the rage at one point in time. For some reason, the sight of cities being reduced to ashes as well as the countless hordes of people left for dead in it's wake, still proves a formulaic victory in terms of getting those "bums on seats", as it were. But most of these movies have little to no characterization nor grounded plot to speak of. Some may argue that's an obligatory by-product of these projects as the majority of it's targeted audience members are simply baying for apocalyptic ruin as the main focus of enjoyment. However, does this newest entry for the genre breathe life into an otherwise stale, tired secession of box office flops?

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It is the year 2019 and escalating global climate changes have led to extreme weather conditions wreaking havoc on our planet. This leads to an agreed international coalition to develop an array of networked satellites in space which house the superior technology to counteract these destructive natural elements. The implementation of said satellites is collectively called "Dutch Boy" and after successfully neutralizing a dangerous typhoon, it appears the Earth finally has a deterrent in place. Fast forward three years later and two rogue events occur (one involving an extreme ice patch in Afghanistan) prompting intervention by the President Andrew Palma (played by Andy Garcia) who signs off an investigation. After a series of further unexplained weather catastrophes, satellite architect and designer Jake Lawson (played by Gerard Butler) is sent back into space to find out what is going on, anticipating possible espionage on-board one of the satellites. In the meanwhile, his brother Max Lawson (played by Jim Sturgess) attempts to uncover any other associated unauthorized infiltration of their systems back on Earth. Could someone be responsible for using "Dutch Boy" as a biospheric weapon against the very planet they are trying to protect?

From the get go, I wasn't expecting much. And in the end, I got even less. This movie is abysmal. One of the main problems being it's over emphasis on absurd plot twists and turns. Geostorm tries to be way too clever for its own good which can only be a bad thing for this context of entertainment. Gerard Butler does what he always does. Act suave and cocky whilst still exhibiting just enough charm and wit to remain likeable. Just barely, mind. His counterpart brother Max Sturgess turns in a decent performance in comparison to the rest of the cast but gets crushed between the cheesy lines of dialogue as well as exaggerated and forced emotional plays. One thing I'll say is that it at least attempts to do something different, in regards to running two parallel main story-lines on the satellites and on Earth, but this inventive little spin of proceedings does little to save it. The terrible one-liners (with Andy Garcia having the dubious privilege of delivering the worst of a bad bunch) and convoluted plot mess switching back and forth between the two brothers, jars on the mind and actually makes you root for the "weather" to win.

A stand-out highlight must go to the special effects throughout. Or lack of, should I say. We are treated to various sporadic cut scenes from different cities around the globe where the weather has decided to go bat**** crazy. But I find it hard to believe the final end product was not sent straight to DVD in light of how bad it all looks. A last generation PlayStation console is capable of better as what should have been the star attraction of the movie, ends up being its ultimate demise. How these half-finished abominations made it out of the hands of the effects team in charge, we will never know. Add to that the completely over-the-top action sequences. It's the same syndrome that the movie 2012 suffered from. In that, nothing can kill these guys! You see cars hurtle under collapsing bridges, all the while barely manoeuvring upon crumbling roads, and with "weather" that literally looks like it's out to target just them! Nonsensical rubbish that belongs at the very bottom of a DVD bargain basement mound. Save your time and trouble and avoid at all costs as it doesn't even classify as being "so bad it's good". It's just, well... Really, really... Bad.

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The disaster movie genre is one that only applies to a certain demographic. That said, movie-goers that (either voluntarily or not) switch their brains off and just watch the pretty visuals in front of them. But the thing is, with Geostorm, you don't even get that tiny respite. But what you "do" get in spades is bad acting, some of the worst dialogue I've heard in a long time and irritating on-screen characters. I just hope that this long line of movie failures either gets some serious time out to re-evaluate or risk something even more sinister... Planetary-wide mass extinction!

My Verdict: (3/10)

*Source: (1,2,3,4)

Hope you enjoyed this post, please look out for more on the way... (author: @ezzy)

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