Secrets

I have so many secrets of different degrees.
Like; what I had to do to survive coming to this city helpless is only known to six people.
Same with that short love story of despair that ended with him locked up in Rikers Island - thank God for me!

Other secrets are of dual nature: there's a public declaration through actual activity of a fact
and the secret lies in the explanation.
Like me being seen out with that ridiculous Sugar Daddy I had for a while - felt like a century, yet almost no one would know the real deal: What was it exactly? Why? The aim? How I could stand him?

And then, there are other secrets that no one knows. Some are of the type: better no one knows - they'd cause damage and disclosure would bear no fruits. I recently put and end to one of those.
Some other, because I can't explain them. Like, why I left where I was, how I invisibly and unconsciously directed my great fall to convincingly appear as mal-doings of others and give excuse for my leave?
Why I've trusted people I obviously shouldn't have but they would give me the motive or create the necessity for violent changes I wouldn't be sufficiently inspired to accomplish otherwise.

And there are the reversed secrets: the ones that lay opposite direction than where expected. Example; people are interested in what you're doing and with who behind closed doors in your bedroom. The real secret though is what you don't do and why.
Kinky or sexual preferences are by no means for me a secret. The well kept from yourself secrets are why you can't fall in love - when you can't.
Why you didn't go for the one that blew your mind with all your powers. Why you don't believe in your dreams. Or worse, why you no longer have dreams.