Kids (and their teachers) say the darndest things.

This week's @steemiteducation homework assignment asked the community to share "the funniest classroom experience you have ever had". Although I have written about a few of these already, one of my favorite parts of my job is the fact that working with teenagers provides me with new amusing stories nearly every day. This is especially true when you have a certain "interesting" teaching style.

Just like Major League Baseball managers, teachers have different styles for running their clubhouse (classroom). Some managers are incredibly serious. Others, like the Chicago Cubs' Joe Maddon, might bring in a surprise pregame petting zoo in order to keep his team "loose".

Be careful not to choke your flamingo too much Joe. You might go blind.

My teaching style is similar to Joe Maddon's managerial style. I like to keep my students "loose". School is hard work... especially if you do not learn like the "typical" learner. For many, it can be so stressful, that they lock up and are unable to learn or perform at their peak level.

Stress can be positive. Many people perform better if they feel a manageable amount of stress. In addition, stress is a reality of life. I would never want to completely eliminate stress in my classroom. I merely want it to be at the appropriate level and show kids how to manage it. Because laughter is a great way to relieve stress, we do that quite a bit in my classroom.

Most of the time, it's quite easy to illicit laughter in a classroom of a dozen teenagers (the real challenge is getting them to get serious afterwards... but this can be taught). The best laughter is that which is not planned.

For example, one time when I was teaching about the Renaissance, I projected an image of Michelangelo's David on the screen. I informed my students that I was lucky enough to see this masterpiece in person. I explained to them that I had always assumed that it was a regular life sized statue. However, when I saw it in person, I was blown away by how huge David was. He was simply gigantic. He was so big I couldn't believe it. I never imagined he would be so large.

I could have simply said that I was shocked that David was more than 14 feet tall...
but I didn't.

A word to the wise, if you are speaking to a room full of 15-year-olds, never use the words "huge", "gigantic", "big" or "large" while a giant image of a naked man is being projected behind you.

I have also learned that the use of some other words may lead to unintended consequences.

Recently, I had a conversation with my students about being on time for class. One of my classes starts right after the students' lunch period. One particular student was often tardy because he goes to the bathroom every day after lunch. This is actually fairly normal. The problem is, he does not hurry to get there. He hangs out and talks with his friends and then when they rush to class, he decides to go to the washroom. Because he is not the only one with issues being on time, we held a class meeting about the situation.

Quite often, I use a work place analogy to describe school and my classroom. I explain that the school is a student's place of business and they should conduct themselves as such. On my classroom door, I even have a poster of Yoda that reads "Act and dress like your place of business this is you will." (It takes a few minutes for kids to translate it... but it is worth it).

It is amazing how many inappropriate behaviors this can cover (especially when accompanied by appropriate consequences).

If I find a student swearing in the halls I can simply ask, "Is that the language you would use in front of your boss?"

If kids are horseplaying, a simple "What if I did that during your parent teacher conferences?" usually does the trick.

If teenagers are making out in the stairwell, I can horrify them with "Could you imagine if your teachers were doing that?"

Although I have had many of these "conduct yourself like this is your place of business" conversations while escorting students to the assistant principal's office, very rarely do I have to bust the same kid twice. No one wants to hear my "place of business" speech more than once.

Clearly she has heard my speech before.

Ok. Back to my class meeting.

I was incredibly serious. I began talking about the importance of being on time. I asked my students, "If you know that you have a business meeting every day at 11:30, are you going to show up late every day?"

After saying the word "business" at least 50 additional times, a student raised his hand. I called on him and he said,

"That's the problem. I need to 'take care of my business' after lunch. If I don't, I'll take care of that business in my pants."

Everyone in the class, including me, lost it.

Some may argue that the student was being disrespectful. I disagree. Based on the 6 months of rapport I have built with him and his classmates, he knew the point had been made and it was ok to break the tension.

Two good things happened as a result of that class meeting.

1. Incidents of students being late for class have decreased dramatically.

2. The entire class now refers to trips to the bathroom as "business meetings".

Images 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

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