I Have Became Such An Ungrateful Person - Another entry

So... yesterday, i.e. like 5 hours ago now I wrote another entry in my diary and this entry followed my last blog's theme as well so I thought I should share it! At first I didn't wanted to write on my personal life. I wanted to write on physics or maths or something educational because that is what I am good at and I love but then I thought, I am already doing that with my videos and the last thing I want to happen is to appear as if I am a two dimentional character. I mean if you ask me, I would say that 90% of my "friends" would think of me as a two dimentional character. I guess the only exception will be my one friend from my old highschool. And also it's something that is coming very naturally from me and the only person stopping me from posting about my life will be me. So lets do this!!!

Here's the entry:

I have became such an ungrateful person

I promise, I will go to bed after this entry but I have to write this one down. I really think that's something really important for me to write it down. I was watching IPOAD#5 by Emma Blackery. Emma is such an inspiration. To be honest I love her sneak peeks and I am really excited about her music. And that is crazy because I didn't even knew she existed before her viral youtube rewind video. She is such an inspiration. She is the real life example of someone who is following their dream and loving the path. I really wish I could be like her. It doesn't matter if her album fails or skyrockets she is just enjoying the journey. Anyways, right after I finished with IPOAD, I got up to find something to eat and while I was walking, like in a second I realised that god damn I am such an ungrateful person and I might say that I am grateful for the things I have but I never really believed it, it didn't came from inside me. And I realised that IN A SECOND. I even remember saying that 2017 was the worst year for my personal life when it really wasn't. I know, 2017 may have been tough but it was the most character developing year of my life and the reasons why I thought that 2017 was the worst was because of the people who are used to seeing me in a certain light. That's it. Besides that, I also did A LOT of work in physics and in maths and also in computer science. I mean GOD DAMN 2017 WAS THE YEAR I LEARNED CALCULUS!!!!! 2017 was the year I first learned how to differentiate and integrate. It was the year I learned how to write code in java and also in python. In physics, I completed the LEGANDARY 8.01 PHYSICS COURSE by Prof. Walter Lewin. I remember being so excited about EVERY LECTURE in 8.01. And I can't forget the moment about where Prof. Walter Lewin demonstrated conservation of energy by putting HIS LIFE IN DANGER. I could never forget that. But I do have to say, there was a difficulty I faced and I still face to this day. Whenever I am learning anything, I am in the moment enjoying it as much as possible. But I have a habit of pulling myself out of the moment and think about how much I have to do to finish the course and think about how can I learn AS FAST AS POSSIBLE. That has been a really big problem for me. And if you know anything about learning a skill or learning anything trying to do it as fast as possible IS LITERALLY THE WORST THING YOU COULD DO!!! It would be better to just not learn anything new rather than to focus on how to learn as fast as possible. And the main problem I have with that is that it takes me out of the moment and I suddenly don't enjoy it anymore. I have done ALOT of work in 2017 to not let that bother me but still it does and I am really trying to be very mindful about it.
Also I got my own laptop in 2017!! 2017 also marks my first whole year of being vegan. That's really nice. it was a really good year. Although it was not perfect. I have lost almost all of my friends except my best friend from my old highschool. I may not have a lot of friends and may just have a single true friend but that single friendship is the most important and the most valuable to me. I really have become really ungrateful. I should be more grateful about all these things, all the development I have made. I guess I should start by changing my language and writing the stuff I am grateful for on the paper. (I am not going to type that)
I even started uploading videos (my very early ones) in 2017. I know I am not that good at making videos like Emma wasn't that good at making music from the beginning. I have came a long way like Emma. 2017 really was a good year. I shouldn't say "It was the worst year of my life" It wasn't. And I am grateful for everything. I am grateful for the awesome friend I have, I am grateful that I could learn from excellent resources from internet. And I am grateful and lucky. I mean the reason I am typing this on steemit is because two youtube commentators recommended I check out steemit and d.tube. It was a good year.
That's it. I am going to bed.