Friendships are a piece of cake
Today, we thought it would be nice to have a few people around for some Pavlova and coffee so they could meet my brother and my brother could talk to some of the locals who aren't actually related to my family in any way. After sending some messages, I realised there are going to be 25+ people which means, a lot of Pavlova. There are two in this picture and another one in the oven which means, 30 eggs in all.
A little while ago I did a post with the recipe I use which you can find here if interested.
It is 30 degrees and our apartment doesn't handle the heat well plus, having the oven on since 9 am hasn't helped matters. It is a bit of a sweatbox. Add 25 people and it is going to be quite unbearable. Luckily, this is Finland so they are used to being in a sauna although, I hope there is a little less nudity this afternoon.
We will probably move outside pretty quickly I would say as there are a few children coming and it is much nicer for them to head out to the park plus, being surrounded by the green trees in this weather helps combat the heat.
We haven't really had many people come and visit us lately as we have generally just been too busy or tired to plan anything since our daughter was born so it is nice to have a few people drop by. It is funny in Finland that in general, things need to be organised weeks in advance and even then, cancellations are common. Life used to be much more spontaneous in Australia, I am sure that age plays a role.
It is interesting how much life changes and it isn't just 'having kids'. For example, I am much more social than my wife which means that even though I would like to spend more time with friends, she is happy being home doing not much.
It is actually quite common in Finland that people only have a very close circle of friends but no depth. In my opinion, this is fine until later in life as people drift away or, pass away completely. I know many couples who are relatively isolated and even though they enjoy each other's company, if one passes, the other is lost at sea.
These days though, it is getting increasingly hard to have a long-term circle of friends as more and more people are relying on social media and organised events to keep in contact. Yet, when it comes to those deep friendships, it is the spontaneous group who can drop in whenever (no matter how clean or dirty the house) who will be a support network for a lifetime. This takes maintenance.
One of the problems we have here at Steem I think when it comes to community building is that the investment required to build friendships and networks is just too much work for most people who are used to swiping for dates, and sending a smiley face for a birthday present. Effort invested into others seems so foreign.
Anyway, that is a conversation for another day. Pavlova number 3 is about ready to come out of the oven and there are litres of cream to whip and strawberries to cut. If you want a piece, you have to visit or, make it yourself :)
Taraz
[ a Steem original ]
Hope you have a great time with your friends and family today. It really does take effort to have and keep great friendships alive and well. There are always those people you can go a few months without speaking to and instantly be right back where you left off last time, but most of the time you need to make more effort then this.
Been trying to explain this to my oldest as she hasn't seen her friends much this summer because she hasn't put in the effort. Told her come next school year her friends will all be talking about things they did together over the summer and she won't be part of those conversations and will feel left out. Inside jokes will be made, and those it's only funny if you were there stories will be told over and over.
Hopefully she takes this to heart and gets out with her friends more. Just told her to pick 3 friends and we are going for ice cream later this week on me so she'll go have a blast with them and hopefully set up times with each of them to do something else.
It is a funny world I think when we have to engineer events so children (all ages) will see each other.
It's truly insane to me. I left the house asap in the morning and came home at whatever time I had to. It wasn't a matter of if I would be gone for the day, just how long I would be gone.
Times have changed and the kids are happy sharing a few text messages and parents seem to keep their kids way to busy. More then a few times I said call and find someone to go with us today this summer and she couldn't find anyone that was free. This lesson or that camp...just something to keep the kids going nonstop. IMO kids need time to be creative and having a day full of scheduled activities doesn't allow for this.
Yep.
Babysat until adulthood.
Couldn't agree more. Kids need to be bored a hell of a lot more than they are.
In my area it's not about the kids being babysat until adulthood. It's more about trying to turn their kids into overachievers. Giving them every opportunity to become superstars at whatever sport they like or other activity they enjoy.
The parents at the sports games are absolutely crazy. I have nearly punched a few in the face as I coached different sports with the kids. These parents act like 11 year old hockey needs to be taken so seriously that they are stacking teams, screaming at kids/couches/refs, and buying their kids better equipment then some of the best tournament level players I know use. Never sure if they are trying to live out their dreams via their kids or they just need their kid to be good at something to feel like a good parent...either way it's not healthy and I feel bad for the kids. Way to much stress being put on games that should be fun.
Bored kids come up with some amazingly creative ways to entertain themselves. Today the kids wanted to play xbox and I told them to go outside for an hour. "What are we supposed to do?" Oh how I hate that question. So I told them either figure it out or there is plenty of yard work that needs to be done. 2 and 1/2 hours later they finally came inside laughing and whispering to each other. Love seeing them play together like that and have such a good time. They figured out a couple games while outside and had to come up with creative ways to have a good time.
Is there a correlation between wealth and friendship? It seems to be that the most open societies are those on the low income side of things. I may be wrong. Is societal advancement a factor in our anti-social behaviors? What do you think Taraz?
I think there is. As someone who's yet to touch stability, I have to choose between spending time with friends and sometimes my close family members and hustle. The latter always comes first.
My two cents :)
I think there may be but I don't necessarily think it is because of the money. I think that those who are able to make themselves wealthy are often a personality type that doesn't value relationships unless they can get something out of it. It doesn't set the scene for long-term friendships. This is not a hard rule but it is in my observation, common.
Having people around is something that rarely happens in my life... but it's something I'd like to happen as soon as stability and time are available. Enjoy the conversations and the Pavlova. (I'd like to try that one day :)
It definitely seems to work in waves also and sometimes, the waves of one aren't in rhythm of others.
This is very true.
I find this a common occurrence in some other countries too. People who are called close friends are more of a formal obligation of having close friends. I have some of my family living in Europe for a while now and they have shared their experiences with me.
We knew a couple from Germany, to whom my family became close to. After the wife died the poor guy was literally left alone in the world. Frankly I never made the effort but my sister is still in touch with them. It is a bit sad to see it happen but this world is a strange place. We never know when or to whom or how we are going to connect to somebody. Maybe a close friendship could be struck over a cu[p of coffee and Pavlova :-)
I don't like the 'friend obligation' friends. I don't really have any as I will automatically drift away from engineered friendships it appears so far.
This is also why people shouldn't be too fast to dismiss people because they may be cutting off a lifelong opportunity to connect with someone. I wonder how many "soulmates" were passed by because they weren't what was expected for some reason.
"if one passes, the other is lost at sea"
I recently saw this with a distant relative, who was quite an important man, the Mayor of a small town. He and his wife lived an idyllic life together, but mostly kept their own company. They chose an isolated place to live, because they preferred the peace and quiet. When their children grew up, they moved away to seek their fortunes.
The man's wife passed away a year ago. He cries all day, most of the day alone. He sees his children infrequently. Once the smartest dressed of men, his appearance is now disheveled, unshaven, unwashed, on the few occasions he leaves his house.
When I spoke to him recently, it broke my heart. All he does is talk about his wife and cry.
I myself have not developed a wide enough circle of friends that this won't happen to me too. It is a terrible thing, and it scares me. :(
I think there are many in this situation but few either think about it or, talk about it.
Life is busy, but it is nice to have family or friends around once in a while. You will have many things to talk about and share.
I havent heard about Pavlova before, but looks interesting. I am sure the kids will love it :)
Firstly, I love pavlova, it's one of my favourite desserts. I will check out the recipe you shared, although I doubt that I'll have the time or energy to make it with a preschooler and baby at home!
I prefer spontaneity, however, since having kids I'm finding that we often need to plan things in advance nowadays in order to coordinate our availability with other friends with children, otherwise we simply forget.
This is a lovely post that you have written. I look forward to reading more.
I can understand this. Mine I have trained pretty well it seems. she had a feather duster and helped clean the house :D
LOL! Lucky you!
Hi Taraz. By the time I arrive it would have been demolished already. Haven't had Pavlova for ages and is a favorite. Enjoy the remaining days with your brother.
2 got demolished, the third will go tomorrow. The reason is that people had to leave to put their kids to bed. More for me ;)
That was smart thinking bake 3 and serve 2. Are you sure we are not related. That would come straight out of my rule books.
This is literally my biggest fear in life. As things stand I have just two friends in the entire World and just can't seem to make more. I'll probably be very alone in the future if I cannot figure something out. My main problem is connection, people just don't seem to be on the same plane as I am.
Being lonely I assume is the fear of many. There is a difference between being alone and being lonely though.