Today I'm grateful for Ice Bars and People Telling Me to Knock Myself Out

People always telling me to knock myself out.
Can I borrow this chair? Yeah knock yourself out. Do you mind if I change the channel? Nah, knock yourself out.

I used to be think it was an unnecessarily aggressive thing to say, then I went through a phase of thinking it was the ultimate “you’re irrelevant to me and the rest of the world, you ant” thing to say, but now in my old age I’m glad I have that kind of latitude when undertaking everyday activities. Sure, I hope shutting the blinds never reaches the loss of consciousness level but I’m grateful to have that ace up my sleeve.

Ice Bars. The single worse business model of all time. Let me break down how an Ice Bar works: idiots walk into a freezing bar in a high-rent main road location, they are given a snow cape (!), gloves and boots, drink a very cold drink and leave after 30 minutes because it’s really very cold and it’s just a windowless regular room with a layer of ice, and for this experience of a lifetime you’re charged AUD$39 (USD$30). The benefits of this experience over, say, a regular bar with regular atmosphere with regular air-conditioning are numerous:

Zero is a number

There are two customers who would even consider putting themselves through this: 1) someone chasing a one-off kooky Instagram photo to spice up their profile in order to get likes from people who are only liking it so you’ll like them back at a later date (oh, and don’t even think about taking your phone inside because they want to charge you a frozen arm and a leg for their own photo service), or 2) someone who lives in a city that has a) excruciatingly hot weather year-round, b) no air-conditioned businesses and c) a wealthy population (and there are no Ice Bars in these cities because THEY DON’T EXIST).

awkward emoji

I’m grateful for Ice Bars because they attract zero extra people to an already busy shopping strip, which makes the experience better for everyone else. Walking past an Ice Bar on a main road is like a 3-second silent meditation retreat.