SAYING NO TO A CHILD CAN BE VERY, VERY HARD, BUT IT HAS TO BE DONE.

We have raised seven children. During our early years we were po' folk! With four young children, my husband went back to college full time. We lived on half a knotted shoestring and it was fraying fast! By the time #7 came along (Jonna), things weren't so dire. There was quite a contrast in our financial situation between raising our oldest daughter (Mandy) and our youngest daughter (Jonna).

When Jonna would complain that she didn't like her cheese omelette for breakfast, Mandy would say, "WHO RAISED YOU? We ate oatmeal every day for breakfast with reconstituted nonfat dry milk AND WE LIKED IT! We had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches every day for lunch AND WE LIKED IT!" Anytime Mandy saw a glimmer of entitlement in Jonna's attitude, she pounced on it!

Buying school supplies for a large family had always been extremely difficult. The school supply lists would come out for each grade and I would cringe (and sometimes cry!). T-99 calculators @ $109? No way! We could barely buy the basics of paper, pens, colored markers! However, Jonna entered 9th grade as the lone sibling. She was the last of our children in school. Our finances were better. It felt good to have $200 in my pocket to buy all her school supplies, clothing and shoes. I was excited to take her shopping.

The first stop was Kmart. My husband dropped us off at the door and went to park the car. We chose a multipack of underwear and headed for the bookbag department. Jonna picked out a large purse-type tote bag that she wanted. I tried to talk her out of it. It was too flimsy to hold books. It didn't have enough compartments for all her supplies. It had no support. It was totally impractical. I told her we should check out the better made backpacks. Jonna was annoyed and full of attitude. "YOU JUST DON'T WANT TO BUY ME ANYTHING!" (She didn't know about the $200 in my pocket).

I was shocked. My child was turning into a spoiled brat! Remembering her older siblings wearing Goodwill school clothes without complaining, I turned to Jonna calmly with resolve in my eye. "You know what? You're absolutely right." I put the underwear back and headed for the door. My husband was just entering the store. "I'm done." I said. He replied, "Didn't they have anything you wanted?" "I'M DONE SHOPPING. WE'RE GOING HOME. " He knew that look in my eye and uttered an "UT-OH!"

I explained to Jonna that I would buy her basic school supplies, but she had perfectly good clothes at home to wear to school. If she wanted new clothes, she would have to buy them herself. I would pay her $8 an hour to do extra chores around the house. She didn't argue. She knew better. I think she regretted her attitude, but I held her to it. There are consequences. That school year she bought a few new clothes with earned money but mostly wore her current wardrobe.

Mandy's response was typical. "YOU PAID HER $8 AN HOUR????"

PS: Jonna is grown now and is impressively responsible! All seven siblings are very responsible with money, care very deeply for one another, and LOVE US! Whew!