swoop, I think I might speak for many by saying that many people love and care about you. personally i know what you are going thru. I've been there. take a break. i suggest you try to stop judging yourself so harshly, putting so much pressure on yourself and buying into the guilt. it gains you nothing.
we all make mistakes. even if we don't, it seems like the world is sometimes against us. focus on getting your stuff in order then try again. one of the best viewpoints i heard was that you might need to make a huge number of attempts before you succeed.
i've failed at relationships, jobs, hobbies - so what? should i go about hating myself? be depressed for the rest of my life? how counter productive is that? the important thing is to find the things that bring you joy and let that be enough. for me its taking photos, collecting dead flowers and finding ways to let people know i care, even if i get nothing back. would i like more? of course. but i am happy with what i have, and that is the key to being a success, in my mind.
hope this helps. take care and you are always welcome to come back when you want. hugs
side note: just came across this. L Frank Baum, who wrote Wizard of Oz, "Baum failed as an actor, as a salesman, and in other careers—he moved his family in 1888 to Aberdeen, Dakota Territory, in what is now South Dakota. He opened a store (which failed) and a newspaper (which failed, too). "
He didnt have his first success until age 41. He was also racist against native americans. go figure.