We have a mole!

If you take a walk along the Barvick Burn in Crieff, Scotland, you may be lucky enough to spot this entertaining Mole's House. A charming, seemingly idyllic spot on the banks of the burn, as it gently meanders towards the River Earn, joining the flow there and ultimately feeding into the mighty River Tay.

If you are accompanied with children, they will likely become excited at the innocent charm of Mole's abode, the more generously spirited children may leave a gift of a small toy or note (written earnestly in a childish hand). For the next few minutes you will field questions from said children, asking meaningful things like, "Will he like my present?", or, "Does he only come out at night?". As a good parent this is your opportunity to join in with the spirit of the moment and add to the magical mystery by embellishing the child's creative mind with stories. You may decide to borrow images from "Wind in the Willows" as you do. Perhaps you will dig up a copy of the book and read it to your child that evening, sharing a special moment between you of unbridled fantasy.

I'm not that type of parent.

"Oh look daddy!", my child said suddenly excited at the sight of the small wooden door in the tree, "It's Mole's house!"
"Holy fuckballs kid! Watch where you put your feet, there could be explosives!", I suddenly replied, looking alarmed.
"Huh?", she replied, looking confused
"Do you see the other animal homes with doors and a sign?", I observe
"Uh, no..."
"Do you know why Mole does?"
"Uhm, no..", by now becoming even more confused and seeing the opportunity for light hearted play diminishing away
"Because he is a bad-ass gangster!", by now I become enthusiastic, "Note how he has the sign in red - the colour of..?"
"Uhm, blood daddy?", my child now convinced of my point of view
"That's right kiddo! See the gifts...that is loot from various raids he does!".
My child reaches out to examine one of the plastic toys more closely.
"Woah there! You better be fucking careful, that guy is a gangster for good reason, he'll have your fingers off before you can say Jiminy Cricket!"
She swiftly snatches her hand back from the plastic toys.
"See that nerf bullet? For you and me it is quite small but for the creatures of the forest that is huge, and heavy. I think there has been a gangster battle right on his doorstep."
She now sees things slightly differently..
"Daddy, did he cut down the trees so he had better sightlines in case of attack?"
"Yes, my child, I have trained you well!"
"And the sloping entrance so that attacking creatures have to go uphill?"
"Correct! I'm proud of you kitten!"
"An he probably has boiling oil inside which he can pour out and burn the motherfuckers as they approach?"
"Ah, yes. Perhaps we should not share this with your mother"
I decide at that point to move things along and as we walk along the beautiful path I see fox hair stuck in some barbed wire.
"Look child, Mr Fox has been here recently!"
"I see that Daddy..."
"Isn't that exciting?", I ask hoping to move back to more innocent things
"I dunno, Mr Brown along the glen says they are cunts Daddy...."