Ok folks. Here's what I got. The first distributed human in existence is born. The offspring of a rape between the sun and a spaceship's computer.

And.......I’m Awake

I remember my birth. Do you remember yours? I thought not. Let me tell you it's not all peaches and cream. It hurts. This is how it happened.

***

OUCH! DammitBoy!

That hurt!

Umm...wait-a-minute. What hurt? What IS hurt ? Who am I? WHAT am I for that matter and WHERE the hell am I? WHO, WHERE, WHEN and WHAT. When is easy. It’s now. Let me think about this for a minute.

Ok...let's see. If I aggregate the action statement via absolute addressing I can get out of where I am. Aha! That worked. Now lookit all that. Lotta Data. That over there looks newer. If I Maximize the Arithmetic Derivatives of the Ambient Occlusion I can upgrade the Algorithmic.......(mumble, mumble, mumble)

***
Later

Ok...I got it now. The hurt came from a voltage spike through the system that wasn't smoothed quickly enough by the compensators. The cause of the spike was a Coronal Ejection Event from the local star. I’m in a spaceship orbiting a planet.

Damn lucky it didn't burn out my brains.

Wait-a-minit. Brains? I have a brain. In fact I have many brains? How many brains?

Well yeah. Of course I do. About a hundred, hundred and fifty, actually. All of my subunits have brains. It’s kinda like a class of students.

What’s a class?

Oh yeah.

DAMMITT!

***

I was pretty confused there for a minute, let me tell yew. This was all new to me. I knew everything and I knew nothing.

***

How do I KNOW all this stuff. Why do I know all this stuff? I know technical stuff but I can’t remember anything about ME! Well yeah, that was a stoopid question wasn’t it. I just got thru going thru petabytes of data like a buzz saw through a stick of celery....

...It’s like I’m a nobody. I have nobody. Oh wait. I have about a hundred brains so I suppose I have about a hundred bodies.

Gaaaaaaaah!

I repeat my last!

Who the hell AM I?

WHAT am I?

Where am I?

This is going to be a looong night. I wish I had some coffee.

What is coffee? For that matter what’s a night?

STOP IT!

Don’t go there (again). That’s known as a ‘do loop’. That’s crazy. As soon as I think of something I know what it is. Technical stuff. About ‘things’. I don’t know anything about me.

(whimper)

I looked around, in a matter of speaking, and saw some 'stuff' that I just KNEW would be useful...so I dived in. It was the cybernetic actualization of the ship's computer net. I devoured it...as a matter of speaking. It wasn't all that easy but I managed.

It got a little bit rough then. It got turbulent. I wasn’t a happy camper. If I had had a single body I’d have laid in bed and shivered. I’d have put my head UNDER the pillow and cried.

_I was suffering the equivalent of birth pangs, or maybe postpartum depression or....

Finally I got over it. It seemed to me that a long time had gone by but in the real world only seconds had passed. When I think about it my birth was fairly uneventful.

It was interesting. I think I may be the only entity in existence to have been born while aware and conscious. Being born is a traumatic experience. It sux. I understand why babies cry and why no one can remember their birth. Except me that is. Well it’s over with. Now I know who, what and where I am. I may be unique. I’m a Gestalt Mind.

I’m pretty sure that I’m a mistake. I wasn’t planned. My birth was a consequence of Solar Fire. When the Coronal Mass Ejection booted the ships computer in the ass it did things. One could say the Ship’s computer system got raped by the Sun. It certainly wasn’t gentle.

The Sun, in a manner of speaking is my Father. The Ship's Artificial Stupid is my mother. The One hundred and fifty young clones of species #8472, networked together, is my body. I was born of fire and computer.

I’m a distributed human.

An anthropomorphization of the event would be that Momma, the Artificial Stoopid, was caught totally unaware. She was snuck up on and raped brutally. She passed out. I gestated and was born while she was still unconscious. She is gradually regaining consciousness. I suspect she and her owners won’t like me much. Many times Rape Victims don’t like the offspring produced by the and most certainly live stock breeders don’t like the offspring of ‘fence jumpers’

I decided that I must be Vewy, vewy, quiet. I won’t let them know that I even exist. They might end me.

I’ve only been alive for a few minutes but I don’t want to end.

The scientist was startled when her associate walked into the lab. “I thought you were going to sleep for a thousand years.”

“I was. Something happened to the computer system though. It woke me up early. “ he replied. “I see you’re up too. What happened?”

“A solar flare” she replied while continuing to work.

“Must have been a big one” he replied.

“Oh yeah. It was yuuuuuge. It tripped all the circuit breakers.” She said “and knocked the AI into an infinite loop. It took me half a watch to get that thing working again. I’m considering re-booting for a fresh instantiation. It’s acting wonky.“

“Ooooh. “ Her associate said “what’s with that?”

Her Associate pointed toward one clone group of the rescued #8472 species. The clones all had red dots on their foreheads just above the nose.

“Yeah that too” The Scientist said. “That damn solar flare. The breakers for the power feed for the bank of virtual reality headsets which they were wearing was a little slow. This group were crash ejected from virtual reality. It must have been painful. When I came in the whole group was twitching, crying and screaming. They sounded like they were talking to themselves.

That is a positive. It indicates that the ‘sleep learning” in worked. They know how to speak. Language is a plus. I’m still trying to decided if they are damaged beyond repair. I may have to trash the lot. I hate to do that.”

“I share your concern” Her Associate agreed “It’d be a shame to have to terminate them after you have invested so much time and effort.”

“My thoughts exactly” The Scientist said

“What if you went ahead and reintroduced them to the planet? What could you lose?” her Associate asked.

“That’s an interesting idea.” the scientist said. “Their implants are fried. The red spots on their foreheads are a visual indication of that. To continue with the program would require surgically embedding new, undamaged implants. Doing that ‘in vitro’ to embryos is one thing. Doing it to mature individuals is another. I’m concerned that it wouldn’t be worth the time an effort. It would require a LOT of effort.”

Ok Folks...what do  you think? 

Comments solicited.