Satirically Yours: Aggroed's Flag Insurance Agency
How many of you have you been in the following situation. You're minding your own business when some raging minnow starts flagging all your posts. Even worse you're on Steem making $40+ dollar posts day after day or week after week and suddenly a whale takes issue with your content, rewards, or behavior and decides to flag you?
Your First Flagcident!!!
You just got into your first flagcident! OH NO! You feel heart broken and distressed. You're worried about your reputation score, and also your livlihood. It's scary to be hit with a flag. Your first thought is to leave the platform or right an enraged letter of indignation neither of which will help you terribly much, BUT WHAT CAN YOU DO???
Are you prepared?
If you're not covered by Aggroed's Flag insurance than you are not prepared. By purchasing Aggroed's flag insurance you're buying peace of mind that your post rewards are safe from whale downvotes. Not only can we upvote your post after a big flag but in the case of a major flagcident we'll resteem your post to an additional 6,700 people ensuring you higher visibility than before the flagcident.
But Aggroed? What's if it's Bernie? or Transisto? OR EVEN WORSE BERNIE AND TRANSISTO?
You can rest easy
Not only can we return the lost earnings, but we'll make sure you come out ahead. It's all about peace of mind on the blockchain when you're insured by Aggroed!
Some exclusions apply
Posts critical of Aggroed
Posts critical of Minnow Support Project
Posts critical of Aggroed's friends
Posts critical of Aggroed's viewpoint
Whiny posts
inflamatory posts
hate speech
pro-government posts
posts using the words doot, nugget, or ginger
Posts about leaving steemit
Posts where you intentionally insulted a whale
Posts where you were raping the pool
Posts where you refer to Ned without a gender nuetral pronoun
Posts where you infer Acidyo is cooler than Aggroed
Posts where you're factually incorrect
Posts by authors who don't vote my witness
Posts by authors supporting witnesses I don't like
NSFW posts
Posts about other Crypto coins
Pricing and Availability
Pricing scales with SP on the platform. it's 1 sbd/month for a minnow. 20 SBD/month for a dolphin and 50 SBD/month for a Whale and 100 SBD/month for a high risk applicant.
Plans coming soon to a Steem platform near you. Relax your Steem is safe with us!
I'm opening an almost exact flagsurance agency except that this one is the other way around
and that it costs 0.1% less and is resteemed to more followers.
I'll be opening a legal service and you'll be our first defendant buddy!
Don't call me buddy, PAL! ;)
Don't call me PAL, friend! I'll also be starting a corporate mediation service. If you'd like to find time to meet with me I'd gladly accept payment for a mediation in lieu of a suit. This could save you substantial amounts of money and help you come to terms without extensive legal costs.
This entire exchange is what the platform needs more of.
This is priceless :)
I am so proud of this exchange 🤛
Where do I sign up ;)
Haha!! This is great. So I've been meaning to come and check you out ever since I ran across this post by steemit's resident nutjob. Then the last couple of days I've been either distracted by everything going on or disgusted by it and I forgot until I was telling my husband about coocoointhenoggin. So I voted on your witness then moseyed over to discord where Linda had dropped this link to me stating "Here's a way to get a good chuckle from all the flagging" along with asking if I'd voted on your witness yet. Synchronicity!
I've been endorsing @teamsteem and @ausbitbank at the bottom of all my posts, looks like I was missing a part of the gang which I will remedy now :)
P.S. What is a doot?
P.S.S. Are you a red head?
hee hee
I'm auburn. Not a full ginger.
A doot is urban dictionaryable.
Thanks for the new support! Glad to have you here!
I dictionaried the dictionaryable doot.
Great stuff. Though if you were a fair dinkum insurance mob yo would have put your exclusions in fine print and maybe shaded them a light grey.
"Posts where you refer to Ned without a gender nuetral pronoun" Much LOLs for this one.
If it's been 5 months since my last flagcident are my rates going to be affected? Do my rates go up for trolling Bernie even if I agree with him 90% of the time? Can you really guarantee that I come out ahead against BOTH Bernie and Transisto? I am certainly interested in the service, but I want to be sure I'll be covered affordably.
I'm glad you've asked. Users are assigned "points" for every flag they receive. As they receive more points their rates will go up. If you're able to go 7 years without a flagcident we'll lower your rates for good behavior.
This is sales. We'll guarentee anything in the advertising!
Since steemit time runs in dog years, you mean one gregorian calendar year right? (The dog year steemit calendar has been agreed upon by many, based on...well it's all very scientific) Also, do you count flags from @asshole?
My one year anniversary is in one week, wayhay! (I have me boom's permission to use that) And I've never had a flagcident outside of @asshole. Hmm, not sure whether to be proud of that or not... okay that's a lie, I'm proud of my charming self. That's not an egotistical remark, just ask @clayboyn, he'll tell you. Oh crap, he might get on my case for not putting up my next playground episode yet...wait to ask him until Friday.
lol ;)
keeps checking
Hahahaaaa...wait, you're George Clooney? I knew it!
Thanks for making me laugh!
Also the comments below between you and @acidyo are fricken hilarious, we need more of this - keep it up :D
I LOVE THIS POST!!!!!! Thanks for the smile today!!!!! Upvoted and resteemed!!!!!
I have to admit that your response is much more light-hearted than the immutable tirade I just committed to the blockchain. Thank you for the comic relief!
(I know a good actuary, so if you need a pricing model...)
Great
You made me laugh, is this true? Can I buy flag insurance? hahaha I don't have to worry no whale is going to flag my posts and minnows ignore me except the friggen resteem bots because I am not in the circle jerking crowd or some whales favorite giving me huge rewards....sigh, I keep asking @berniesanders to be my patronus as a supporter of my awesome talent but right now he is ignoring me, he won't even throw me a curse. And @transisto won't even teach me the art of spotting villains raping the rewards pull.....my feelings are hurt :-(
There's a handful of ways to get their attention. I don't think it's all that hard, but in the end you may regret having it. Those are names that you shouldn't say like voldemort.
I ‘ve already been paying for pissing off bernie, I have nothing to lose 😈
It's real simple these days to get your first flag from the Bern. All you've got to do is write that research post you've been telling me that you are going to do one of these days. And make sure that you let me know so that I can give it a full upvote. And Voila! You've earned your first flag from around 50 accounts. You may even earn a comment calling you a f**ing moron!
Let me know if you plan on joining in on the fun!
I have been flagged and supported by Bernie, now I’m determined to write my history of vaccines article, bad attention is better than no attention 😝
Careful what you wish for!
Bernie and I have go at it over another friend of mine he went after...@krnl and I can't find his blog now! edit...I found him, I guess I am not that good of a friend I forgot his name...@krnel
I thought you said that you had never been flagged by a whale. It's not recent, is it?
It happened last flag war, I prolly forgot....only once....I chewed Bernie’s tail. Plus I don't remember saying I've never been flagged, I am getting old.
Awesome dude.
Finishing off the post with a Smokin Babe too. Nice!
You like that touch? I'm so pleased with myself right now!!!!