This is my REAL LIFE STORY to give you some insight into my life.
First my father was diagnosed with cancer and I felt like my whole world was crashing down on me. Living far away is not easy when you have an ill parent. My father went in for an operation to have the cancer removed but landed up in ICU under a sedated coma for one whole month! They realized that the cancer had spread and couldn't do anything for him so, they closed him up. I flew to see him the first time but did he know I was there? I prented like he did, spoke to him and told him everything he missed out on. There were so many machines and tubes keeping him alive and a nurse sitting at the end of his bed monitoring him 24/7. I wasn't even allowed to hold his hand..........
When he finally woke up and was moved to the general ward, I decided to fly and visit him again. It was a rather short visit but I made the most of our time together. He was weak and could not do much on his own, where did my dad go? This was the last time I took a photo with my father as I wanted to remember him healthy and strong, just the way he was while I was growing up. (I just realized that this post is going to take me much longer to write as I constantly have to stop and wipe the tears from my eyes while typing this)
My father was my hero, my rock and I could phone him anytime and ask his advise. Sometimes we would phone each other just for fun and to say hello. I have so many fond memories of my dad and wish I had them all on tape or CD to remind me of our relationship. With time passing the memories seem to fade little by little and I am trying my best to cling on to them as much as I can.
The last time I flew out to visit my father I knew this is it, I won't have the opportunity again. By then he was really ill, could hardly walk or talk. He got exhausted quickly but tried his best to keep my spirit up. Wasn't it meant to be the other way around? I found myself asking lots of questions to which I did not understand the answers, simply because I was too young.
I still remember the night the phone rang and deep in my heart I knew before I even answered. I picked up but didn't greet whoever was on the otherside of the line. Then a soft voice said " He passed away about 15minutes ago" Tears were streaming down my cheeks and I fell to my knees still holding the phone by my ear. I would never see him again, never hear his voice or hold him in my arms. My life will never be the same..............................
They say time heals all and the pain will go away. Let me tell you the PAIN will NEVER go away! It has been 16years now and I still cry, the pain might fade a little bit and you find other things to occupy yourself with but the memories linger when you least expect them to. When ever a song plays in the supermarket or on the radio that you sang together, you will find yourself filled with all kind of emotions. I remember playing a voicemail my dad left on my phone over and over again just to hear his voice.
I found myself asking WHY? Why my dad? The same question so many other people ask when they loose a loved one. But nobody seems to be able to answer until one day I was listening to a radio station and a little boy had lost a cow to the drought and was asking the same question. A simple reply was God did not ask why his son had to die for our sins and this made me think God was my answer. I turned to God and I experienced a sense of calm inside of me. God showed me that all I need is faith and this is where my real journey with God began.
Then just a few years later.........my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. I will do another post on this as emotions are running high and it is difficult to type with all the tears running down my cheecks.
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@crazycow, so sorry to hear of the passing of your father. Even though your dad had passed, the happy memories the two of you shared will remain fresh in your mind forever. It is truly difficult to face that fact that a loved one is no longer present but with each hint of remembrance that special person is always by your side. I'm sure that if your father were alive, he would in comfort know that you have gone on with you life, living everyday to the fullest, always thinking of him. When my best friend died a few years ago from pancreatic cancer that spread from the lungs, I missed the chance to say good bye to her. Regretted it till now. She is always on my mind, all the things we did as children, I will always cherish.
Going on with you life being happy doesn't mean forgetting. If you want to continue missing him, it's okay. But please continue with your life, do not let time pass without enjoying every moment.
You spoke of your mother being diagnosed with Breast Cancer. How is she doing. If she is still here with you, please visit Mr. Gary Wilson's post if you like, he too is battling Cancer. On his post I have listed some of the things people can do to 'reverse' their Cancer. Please see the link below.
https://steemit.com/introduceyourself/@garywilson/cancer-my-sentence-to-death-whether-i-ultimately-live-or-die-my-desire-is-to-publish-a-weekly-post-on-steemit-and-share-the#@eclecticity/re-exoexo-re-garywilson-cancer-my-sentence-to-death-whether-i-ultimately-live-or-die-my-desire-is-to-publish-a-weekly-post-on-steemit-and-share-the-20160811t092138025z
Because a family member has passed, many think that they may develop Cancer. Cancer is diet and lifestyle caused. The video below will give you more insight on what doctors don't tell you about Cancer. It's called the 'Truth About Cancer'. ⬇️ Wishing you all the best. 🌟
Losing a parent is one of the most difficult things a person can ever go through. I lost my dad to an accident where he worked when I was only 18. I'm just glad to see that you were able to turn to God and find peace and comfort in your situation.
I am sorry to overlook your touching life story. I lost dear ones recently to cancer and now I am also crying 🌸 I hope your MOM will be ok