Caught my wife cheating and it feels like the last straw.

My wife came stumbling through the door at 4am on Saturday. We live in an apartment complex above a bunch of shops and bars. We had dinner, I decided I didn’t feel like going out because I couldn’t drink due to a work commitment, but I told her I didn’t mind her going downstairs to have a drink or two. Around 12am, I texted her to see what was up. She told me she was just getting some good advice from one of her girlfriends that tends the bar. I fell asleep on the couch and woke up at 3am, finding that she still wasn’t home and the bar had closed at 2. Worried, I sent her a text asking where she was. She replied “I’m dealing with someone.” I reminded her that the bar had closed at 2. She replied that she was on her way home. I heard her struggling with the keys and opened the door for her. She was standing there swaying and I knew she was completely tanked.

I helped her through the door and into the kitchen where she promptly fell down, laughing the whole time. I realized she didn’t have her purse and asked her where it was. She said she didn’t know. I picked her up off the floor and helped her to the bedroom. She left her phone on the counter so I decided to see if maybe someone had texted her about leaving her purse behind.

The second message down was from a guy that I didn’t know. When I opened the message thread, they were talking about how they couldn’t wait to meet up to fuck when I left for a 7 day work trip on Monday. The last text said “two more days” like they were on a countdown for me to leave.

My wife stumbles back into the kitchen to get her phone. That’s when she realizes she fucked up and forgot to delete the messages before she came home. She then spent the next couple of hours asking me if I want a divorce, crying, can she take the dog, more crying, threatening suicide in vein, asking me if she should book the next flight home, etc.

Not to get too specific, but I’m in the military and my job takes me offshore for about two weeks a month. Not the easiest lifestyle, but certainly not the worst in my career field. So, I do empathize with her loneliness, the fact that she’s completely removed from family and friends at home, and stuck in the armpit of New Jersey (no offense, I actually don’t mind it).

I had previously had some suspicions in the fall of last year when she had some bruises around her breasts after I got back from a patrol. She explained them away by saying that she got a little rough while pleasuring herself. My gut told me it was bullshit but when I confronted her, she denied it heavily. My suspicions grew more when a mutual male friend of ours suddenly became very unfriendly with her, but cordial to me, blocking her from all social media, her phone number, and refusing to acknowledge her presence when we happened to be at the same bar or restaurant. She later confirmed that he had given her those bruises, but they “had not been intimate.” She also denied intimacy with the guy she was basically sexting, but my gut is telling me that’s a lie also. I’ve stuck by this woman through a lot of bullshit. I’m a very laid back person and my stress has been peaking since we got married. She’s gotten her second DUI, the first since we’ve been together, and basically ruined whatever plans we’ve had for a family due to the financial constraints and the fact that she can’t drive. She’s been going down to the bar almost every night, sometimes I’ve been with her but most of the time I can’t since I have to be a responsible adult and fucking something up when I’m hung over can result in UCMJ punishment.

I’m up for transfer and I need to make a decision before February 1st. Behind door number one is forgiveness. I take her back, try to move on, continue to support her, and continue on the family path of buying a house and having children in Florida.

Behind door number two lies a clean break. I won’t owe her anything in alimony, we don’t own property together, and I would move to downtown Boston and live the bachelor lifestyle. The job that I really want is there, being gone for a couple of months at a time out to sea, something that isn’t possible if I want to stay married. My main concern is that I’ll be 32 years old. I’ve heard that dating can suck in your 30’s, but I know there is plenty of potential to have a very good time. A life goal is to settle down, get married, and have children, something I thought I was getting when I married my wife.