yeah.. that's part of my plan. I actually saw a therapist already, but since our healthcare system is a mess, I had to pay it out of my own pockets in order to seek immediate help and now I have to wait for a few months until I can go to a therapist that my insurance will cover...

I only had 5 hours of Therapy and it very much felt like she was just confirming most of the theories I had about myself, just so I would maybe continue my sessions with her.

The "funny" thing is that I always find excuses to not get with a girl, most of the time it is the "I don't really love her"-one. Not having a girlfriend for such a long time certainly contributed to my 'me against the world' mentality. I never loved someone as much as I love Lisa and being with her. If she never loved me back, I think I would be fine, but I can't handle having hurt her so much (psycholgically) that she never wants to see me again, despite (or rather because of) her feelings for me.

I have stopped some of my unhealthy habits (smoking pot and playing video games all day) and started to go to the gym. So objectively I am doing fine, but I can't find any other goal in life then her...