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RE: Psychology Addict # 43 | The Corrosive Effect of Time on Love
Great piece Abi, once again!!
Love is a real puzzle, I doubt we'll ever figure it out, but I have some questions after reading your post:
When it comes to companionate love, women love their partners more than they are loved in return.
- Could this be because women become mothers, so it's more "natural" to feel the need for companionate love, as the husband turns from a romantic lover into their companion in the difficult task of raising a child. It could make sense as their passionate love "lowers" over time, when obligations arise. Women feel the need for safety, when they see their man is there to protect them and/or fight side by side with them, he becomes something more than just a prince Charming ((just one point of view)
Both passionate and companionate love diminished slightly over the course of the first year of marriage.
- Yes, as then dull things like, "Have you paid the rent?" and "Oh, another family gathering with those obnoxious cousins of yours again?!" become more or less a routine, doesn't this have to do anything with that? (again only one point of view)
men regarding intercourse and body caressing more important, and women seeing talking and being affectionate as such, instead.
- Different hormones and different psychology. And still, the fact that some people are not good with words, are hard to open up (even in long term relationships and even when they do love their partner) may be misinterpreted, right? (Since the second study took only the women's answers into consideration)
The fact that someone feels uncomfortable with telling you "I love you" does not mean they don't necessarily love you. Sometimes just being there, holding your hand and patting your head gently is enough to know how they feel about you. Oh! And the eyes, the way they look at you can't lie.
I also loved the market simile! Clever one! ☺️
Aaah, enough with my ranting now. Have fun, enjoy your break and make sure you do what is best for your "emotional investment" Abi! We'll be waiting for you!!
Lots of love and positive thoughts!! 😘🤗♥️
Hello smart-girl 😊 this is an impressive comment you left me here.
The correlation you made between passionate love with obligation in your first point reminded me of what Adams and Munro (1978) say about levels of passionate love observed in newlyweds, which is lower than that seen in dating couples and those in a long-lasting marriage. They put his down exactly to the 'distribution of roles' which is higher early on in a marriage.
The boring details of day-to-day life can truly corrode emotions. As your point 2 examples illustrate!
You last point is a very insightful one. You approach the situation from an evolutionary perspective, but you also give space to subjective emotions. Because emotions are subjective. It reminds me again of what Tolstoy says "there are as many kinds of love as there are hearts". I suppose it is for each partner to understand the other partner's loving style. As you pointed out, some people love through words while others love through gestures :)
Glad to hear you liked my analogies 😅
Thank you for your kind wishes 😊 You too enjoy the week ahead creating, photographing, researching and practicing all your talents.
Much love to you always, always my dearest! 😘 :)
οχι που δε θα ειχες ερωτησεις!!!!!....στο τελευταιο που λες με βρισκεις απολυτα συμφωνω παντως...τι να τα κανεις τα λογια οταν εχεις τις πραξεις....καλημερα!!!
Ε τι να κάνω, τόσα πράγματα μας λέει εδώ η Άμπι για να πιαστούμε και να σχολιάσουμε! Θα σκάσω αν δεν ρωτήσω! 😜
Πολλές φορές τα λόγια είναι περιττά. Οι πράξεις, οι "κινήσεις", ακόμα κι οι χειρονομίες λένε πολλά περισσότερα....
Καλημέρα-σπέρα και καλό ΣΚ να έχουμε!
True. I sometimes become frustrated by women's many demands for words. And I'm the intellectual type, it's not like I'm word-shy! But I find that just caressing someone, holding them, just being with them, communicates so much more. At least to me. Maybe to others it's not much different from holding a broom! :D
We somehow find it reassuring, although repeating the same thing again and again 10 times a day can be tiring and cause the words to lose their meaning in the end. (Το πολύ το κυρ-ελέησον το βαριέται κι ο παπάς, που λέμε)
We need to learn and appreciate the way a partner loves us and not ask them to do things way beyond their capabilities. As long as their loving is not toxic to us (and neither is ours to them).