Phew.. time flies. Lots of unpleasant changes of plans this week. PC problems... hate those the most.

I wanted to come back here with nothing else on my mind, so I could give it all the attention, it deserves :-)

in my head you are a character of a very good book

sounds funny. Although part of it isn't all that far from reality. Only thing is, we have everything under one roof, so I only have to go down two stairs from my studio. And the café is usually only open on weekends. But my beautiful wife bakes sometimes during the week too.. or makes Austrian style pastries :-)

Thank you for making the issue with the children more understandable. I can relate to that, as we didn't have much in material goods, but I was fortunate to have good parents, particularly a very loving and warm hearted mother.

the recovery comes as a result of finding a new purpose in life.

For me it was always important to get myself going and stop the negative thoughts. Therefore I find some simple work good to get into a different frame of mind. Of course time is an issue. And I hope I also have learned what not to do to actively screw up my life. I also know, one is never safe from bad things happening from "outside", but at least I try not to contribute to that :-)

Thank you for pointing me to Epigenetics. It is something that really fascinates me and would answer a lot of questions, if there was any truth to it all.

I do make a difference between memories, which I consider my own. At the same age (3) I started having a reoccurring nightmare. When I put all the pieces together now, I believe its a memory of my own birth. The sounds of a heart beat, like you hear it through a stethoscope, and that of blood rushing through veins, pulsating and crushing movement, feeling trapped, a pulling movement with a high pitched sound and so on...

But the other "memories" are different. Bad, connected with war like environments and people being threatened and suffering. Vague pictures of undefined steel vehicles. Dirty water with dead plants... long ago and its all faded quite a bit by now and more of like felt rather that actually seen. I have just always wondered, where these things came from. My psychiatrist ex wife once said, that there is research on the issue, but she didn't know much about it.

But now, its smelling a lot like apple strudel...