Who Knows Why I’m Gay?

“The truth is if I had a choice, I would never have chosen to be gay. Some people may believe that would be enough to warrant changing my behavior on my own, but it isn’t. You see, I’ve prayed, and been chaste and dated women, and thought of becoming a monk, but none of that has taken away my desire for men.

So why would anyone “want” to be gay with all the limitations and backlashes to experience? It has to be a curse, or a gift, but whatever it is, I have to learn to accept it, or go mad.

I know many people accept homosexuality, and the American Psychiatric Association officially took it off the mental disorder list in 1976, but….. The looks my husband and I get on cruises, in the airport, at restaurants, at the car dealership and in the grocery store prove that we are not accepted by lots of people. Now, let me make it clear, we are not prancing around in pink dresses and high heels – not that that’s a bad thing. We look and act like any other heterosexual, middle aged man, except, we are usually better groomed and in better shape.

So why do we get looks? 2 men walking down the grocery isle, comparing products and reading labels together is not comfortable for some people. Just as two people of any type that is not the norm are going to make people uncomfortable. ( ie. People who are obese, handicapped, costumed, tattooed, pierced, dressed inappropriately, different race or religion, etc ) What do people do when they are uncomfortable? They/we judge….

So why would anyone choose to be judged by others? They/we are just busy trying to be who we are! I didn’t have a choice to be straight or gay. So I am being the best gay man that I can be. I am good and loving and committed, and married to a man for over 20 years. I work hard, and am generous with my “gifts.” I don’t feel that I am less than anyone else, or better than anyone else either. I realize that I am more educated than most, and probably even more successful than most, but that doesn’t make me better.

I would have preferred to be heterosexual and have a great wife and family and fit into the vast majority of family. I would have preferred to go to the church I wanted to attend. I would have preferred to have less judgment bestowed upon me by the folks that do it now. But I didn’t have a choice. I believe that I am gay, because I was born that way. Yep! I was born gay. Mom didn’t make me gay, and neither did dad. I believe some genetic thing created this gay thing inside me.

So if this gets you to start thinking, that’s a good thing. We all have beliefs shaped by our culture, our religion, our socio-economic class, our race, our experiences, and even our age. So I can’t change your beliefs about me, but I can accept you for who you are right now and not judge you. I can know that you are doing the best that you can do with the gifts you were given. I can smile at you and work hard at not judging you. That’s the best I can do. Who knows why you were born heterosexual and I wasn’t?”

….taken from a client who struggled for years with depression, until he finally accepted that he was gay.

"What is the hardest thing about being gay?"

“What’s the hardest thing about being gay?”

https://www.ted.com/talks/io_tillett_wright_fifty_shades_of_gay “Fifty shades of gay.”

https://www.ted.com/talks/yoruba_richen_what_the_gay_rights_movement_learned_from_the_civil_rights_movement “What the gay rights movement learned from the civil rights movement.”

https://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_the_secret_to_desire_in_a_long_term_relationship “The secret to desire in a long term relationship.”

https://www.ted.com/talks/diane_j_savino_the_case_for_same_sex_marriage “The case for same sex marriage.”

https://www.ted.com/talks/joel_burns_tells_gay_teens_it_gets_better “A message to gay teens: It gets better!”